The Habit
by BombayCrossbow
Summary: It's a Hobbit spoof! Man, Tolkien would KILL me. It's kind of hard to follow if you havn't read the book The Hobbit, but it's full of nonstop laughter. R&R please. I'm really confident everyone who reads this will enjoy it!
1. An unexpected Contract

The Habit  
"Here we go Again"  
A Parody on Tolkien's World  
  
Prologue  
  
This is a parody on the well-respected world of Tolkien, arguably the best fantasy writer ever. I suggest that you read the book The Hobbit and see the movie or read the book The Fellowship of the Ring.  
  
Chapter One: An Unexpected Contract  
  
Bubble Boogers seemed to live in the hole. He was always in the hole to someone: to his bookie, the liquor shoppe, the grocers, you name it. In fact, he even lived in a hole. You see, once in Bubble's neighborhood it was fashionable to live in decorated caves; but most of the populace of Habiting had moved on to condos, high rises, and indoor plumbing. Not Bubbles. His grandfather, Bungler Boogers, had left him this hole in a trust arrangement that couldn't be altered. So, Bubbles was stuck with it. He had three mortgages on the hole (not that the bankers would lend him much any more) and I.O.U's from anyone stupid enough to lend to him. But, no matter what happened, Bungler had made sure that the hole would stay in the Boogers family.  
Now Bubbles was not your average Habit*. In fact, he was less then average. He was the most lazy and forgetful Habit ever known to the Habit Race. He was also very poor, but he would not work, because work was "Just another bother to life", as he would say it. One reason he was poor was because of insurance. His insurance kept soaring because the roof of his cave kept falling, and that cost a fortune to repair. Bubbles was trying to find out how to easily get this money when a motorcycle fell from the sky!  
  
"Egad," said Bubbles, wondering if the motorcycle was real, or if this was just the last vestige of that bottle of "Old Winyards" that Bubbles had polished off last night. Old Winyards was one of those few of Bubbles' family legacies that would never see a pawnshop. Bubbles then noticed that the motorcycle was not alone-there was an old man riding it.  
  
" How did you do that?" asked Bubbles, and he meant it.  
  
"Are you asking how I made the motorcycle fly, how I made my magnificent entrance, or how I got my hair into this cool style?" returned the rider. Sheesh, this guy was annoying.  
  
"I'm not sure, maybe more than one, but definitely not the one about the hair," replied Bubbles.  
  
" I'm afraid the motorcycle trick isn't quite worked out yet," replied the gray-haired stranger. It will only fly for a short time. I'm working on it, though."  
  
"Why would you want to work on it?" asked Bubbles, horrified at that word which had been haunting him lately.  
  
" It's part of my great business idea: delivering babies! No one believes in that stork crap anymore, but if you tell your little darling that a wizard delivered you on a flying motorcycle, they might just buy it."  
  
"Only a lunatic would ever think of a baby riding a flying motorcycle," responded Bubbles. "But wait, what'd you say? A wizard? But you must be Gandork! "  
  
"So, you've heard of me?" said the old wizard with a smile.  
  
"Oh, yes! You're the one who talked two dozen elves into spending their life savings on some crazy business venture and lived like a king as the CEO for two years before they found out! And you're the wizard who threw three-day parties! And you're the one who won the Bile-Water* all-city pub drinking contest-hands down!" Bubbles stared at the wizard in wonder and amazement. It was like the guy was coated in Teflon-nothing stuck to him!  
  
"Yeah, that's me, Gandork the Grey. Say, do you think you could do some work for me? You will get some good money." Of course, the word "money" should have gotten Bubble's attention. Unfortunately, once Gandork had said the "W" word, Bubbles couldn't hear anything else.  
  
"Sorry, I don't want to do work, thank you! But please come and have a drink! How about tomorrow at 3:00? Goodbye!" said Bubbles.  
  
"Why did I ask him to come over?" Bubbles said to himself as he ran into his cave.  
  
By the next day, Bubbles had totally forgotten about Gandork. You see, Bubbles has a very bad memory, and he was too lazy to write things down, so he never expected the sound of a huge knock outside his cave. Then he remembered! He ran to the front of the of his hole and said "Sorry to keep you waiting!" But it was not Gandork at all! It was a short, bearded something.  
  
"Drawling at your service" said the thing. Bubbles meant to say "Good Morning," but all he could say is "What are you?"  
  
"I am a Dworc. Half Dwarf, half orc." Drawling replied, as he walked inside and sat down on one of Bubbles best chairs.  
  
"Could you please get me a cup of beer?" asked the Dworc. "And some food!" Bubbles may be lazy, but he new it was his painful duty to help visitors. He was running around, try to make the Dworc happy, when there was another knock the entrance of his cave. Bubbles ran to answer it.  
  
"Bawling at your service! I see the have started coming." Then Bawling, like Drawling, sat himself down. Pretty soon, poor Bubbles heard another knock.  
  
"I'm coming!" Bubbles said, as he ran to the door.  
  
"Filler and Killer at your service." Said the two young Dworcs, whose beards were still goatees. They sat down next to Bawling and Drawling. There was another knock, but Bubbles as almost expecting it.  
  
"Someone at the door," said Bubbles  
  
"Sounds more like somefour!" said Killer, as Bubbles ran to the door. As Bubbles opened the door, he found out it was not somefour, it was someseven!  
  
"Dorky, Norky, Orcy, Oink, Gloink, Beefy, and Buffy at your service." They all replied. Bubbles just stared. Just when Bubbles had sat down from serving all the Dworcs, he heard another knock! He ran to the door as fast as he can.  
  
"Blubber at your service!" but he was too fat to do anything of service. It took Bubbles longer to satisfy him than any two of the other ones. Just when Bubbles thought he was done, he heard another knock.  
  
"Thorninyuras at your service." said the Dworc in a business sort of manner. Bubbles was too tired to answer, and was also too tired to see Gandork standing behind Thorninyuras.  
  
"It is quite a nice day for a party!" said Gandork, laughing. "And I see they are all here. Let us begin!"  
  
"Let us begin what?" said Bubbles, knowing he was nearly out of food, and he didn't want to make anything.  
  
"The party, of course!" Gandork said, and Bubbles drooped.  
  
"Don't worry Bubbles, I can make the food!" said Gandork, and Bubbles cheered up a little. Bubbles sat down for a while, looking at the huge group of Dworcs.  
  
"How did this happen?" said poor Bubbles to himself, as Thorninyuras stood up to say something.  
  
"Hello, all my fellow Dworcs! We have all come here because of me, your one and only Thorninyuras!" No one said anything, but Bubbles saw Gandork smiling with his staff pointing up.  
  
"As you all know, long ago my stupid GreatGreatGreatGrandfather lost all of our family treasures to the idiotic dragon, Claug, who lives in the Single Mountain. We have all gathered here to find one more person to help us get it back, and the only reason we need him is because we have thirteen people, and everyone know that is an unlucky number. So basically, the fourteenth person is just going to be a good luck charm." Bubbles then heard a noise, and a noise he knew he had heard before.  
  
"Get out!" he yelled, as he ran to the door, for of course it was the cave's roof falling. All of the Dworcs and Gandork ran out behind him.  
  
"Oh no, now I need to fix it again," said Bubbles, painfully. Thorninyuras didn't seem to care about the crash, so he stood up and continued on with his speech.  
  
"As I said before, we are in great need of a good luck charm, as good luck always goes the opposite way as us."  
  
"Then why don't you go another way?" said Bubbles reasonably.  
  
"Because there is only one way to the place we are going," Thorninyuras said even more reasonably. "Anyway, everyone in the group will get one fourteenth of the treasure."  
  
"So all I need to do is be a good luck charm, and I will get enough money to last me a lifetime? I'm in!"  
  
"Well then let us be off, and hope we don't see any Mada*!" All the Dworcs (most of them drunks) formed a line and they started marching northwest, toward the Single Mountain. They passed by a stable and took out fourteen ponies and a horse for Gandork. Then they all started to go to the nearby town, Bile-water. On the way, they sang a few songs, but I will only make you read one.  
  
Far over the itchy mountains high,  
Where gnats leap and mosquitoes fly,  
We gotta get away from this place!  
  
And we are dearly in need of haste!  
  
A treasure of gold we seek with care,  
So the other Dworcs.... (And Habits) can only stare,  
While we walk in our halls of glory and fame  
  
And escape our life, which is now so lame  
  
We shall prevail against the dragon, yes we shall  
We will not let ourselves come to fail  
Let us go through rain and hail  
We'll protect ourselves with golden chainmail  
  
"Did you write that?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"No, a friend of the authors did." replied Gandork.  
  
"Good, 'cause it sucks." When they finally got to Bile-Water, they found an inn, called the Green Flagon, where they spent the night.  
  
* The type of creature Bubbles was. *The town next to Habiting Mada are like Giants, but they have red hair And are more annoying. Their proper name is Eseig Mada, but being lazy they shortened it to Just Mada 


	2. Mada Mess

Chapter Four: I Don't Know What to Call This Chapter Because It Is  
Too Short  
  
It was early morning when Bubbles woke up. He noticed that none of the Dworcs were awake, so he decided to make a lunch for them. He fixed them some eggs and bacon, enough for twenty hungry Dworcs.  
  
"Are you sure that's enough?" asked a familiar voice.  
  
"Gandork, you're here again! How did you find us?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"A blind Habit could have followed you here! And I suppose you notice that I'm now Gandork the Yellow" Gandork said. Pretty soon all of the Dworcs were awake.  
  
"You've made us breakfast!" said Gloink.  
  
"You mean he's made ME breakfast." Said Blubbers.  
  
"Thank you, Bubbles," Said all of the polite Dworcs "for making breakfast." It took a while for any of the Dworcs to notice Gandork was there, eating along with them.  
  
"Gandork, when did you come back?" asked Norky and Orcy in unison. Gandork just laughed. Bubbles was very glad that Gandork had come back. However, he wasn't very happy that no one was eating his breakfast. Gandork, as though he could read Bubbles mind, said that they should be quieter and eat. All of the Dworcs were nearly finished.  
  
"Where is Thorninyuras?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"I don't know." Said Dorky, Norky, Orcy, Oink, Gloink, Beefy, and Buffy in unison. That cracked up both Gandork and Bubbles.  
  
"I saw searching the area around the forest." Replied Gandork.  
  
"How do you know everything?" asked Drawling suspiciously.  
  
"I know everything!" said Gandork. The whole group could barely keep from laughing. Pretty soon, Thorninyuras got back from his "search".  
  
"Breakfast! Who made this?" he asked. Bubbles stood up. "I thank you." He said. Then he noticed Gandork.  
  
"Gandork! When did you come back?" so they told Thorninyuras the whole story.  
  
"Well, let us hope that we don't lose you again, Gandork." Pretty soon all of the breakfast was gone (Blubber had more than all of the others put together) and they started back to the road.  
  
"We are going around the forest this time." Said Gandork, not wanting to be killed again. So they started back on the road, singing different songs. Here is one:  
  
Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to kill we go!  
With blood and mud and gore and more!  
Hi ho! Hi ho!  
  
Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to kill we go!  
  
With blood and mud and gore and more!  
Hi ho! Hi ho!  
  
Anyway, all of the Dworcs had a full stomach (Thanks to Bubbles) and yet they had Bubbles, they had no good luck. They were back on their way to Riverhell. Thanks to Gandork, they didn't get lost. However, they did get waylaid. They were about halfway to the other side of Muckwood when a group of Belves (Bad Elves) came to the fifteen companions.  
  
"You need to pay a toll of 1,000 gold coins to pass here." They said nastily.  
  
"We have not 1,000 gold coins, Master Elves." Replied Gandork.  
  
"Then you shall DIE!" the leader Belve said. Then a great battle began. Gandork started killing the Belves, and Bubbles stabbed a few. Gandork had nearly ten Belves on him.  
  
"Do not let Gandork die again!" said Bubbles. The Dworcs got there just in time. Pretty soon there was only one Belve left.  
  
"You shall pay!" he said as he ran off. Everyone was surprised. Gandork had finally survived! Bubbles then named his sword.  
  
"I now name my sword Biter!" Bubbles said. Everyone suddenly started to cough. Pretty soon they got to the Gate of Riverhell.  
  
"Let us in." Gandork said.  
  
"Who is thee that speaks?" asked the elf. Why can't he speak normal English?  
  
"Gandork, The Elf Friend." And the gates opened. They had made it to the Valley of Riverhell in one piece. Pretty soon all of the companions were in their own bed. 


	3. Off the Mountain and Into the Hole

Chapter Five: Another Battle that Gandork Survives In  
  
"Where am I, and what is the time?" asked Bubbles, remembering the adventure as if it was a dream.  
  
"In the house of Elfburm, and it is 9:00 in the morning, and it is February 31, if you want to know." Said Gandork.  
  
"Gandork! I thought it was all a dream!" Bubbles exclaimed.  
  
"No, it was very real, whether you want it to be or not." Gandork said.  
  
"Actually, I'm not to sure what I want." Bubbles said, confused. "Where are the others?"  
  
"They are downstairs, waiting for you to wake up." Gandork said. Bubbles got up as soon as he could. Then he ran down the stairs as soon as he could.  
  
"Bubbles! You're awake! That's great!" all of the Dworcs said.  
  
"I'm glad to see you are out of your long sleep." Said a new voice. It was Elfburn! Pretty soon all of the Dworcs and Bubbles were refreshed and energized, but they all wanted to stay.  
  
"I'm having a wonderful time!" said Bubbles as Elfburn told them they needed to leave soon. It was soon agreed that they had two days to get ready to leave. Bubbles was glad that they had got there safe and sound. He had enjoyed the food and sleep, but most of all the songs. Here is one of them.  
  
We are the elves, strongest of the races,  
  
Even though we have the ugliest faces,  
We can kill by sword and bow,  
And we like to go with the flow  
  
We are stronger than you,  
Even when we have the flu,  
You shouldn't pick a fight with us,  
We don't want to bother with the fuss.  
  
But pretty soon the two days were over and they needed to be off.  
  
"May thou never run out of thy good luck." Said Elfburn.  
  
"Good luck to all of you!" said Gandork.  
  
"Aren't you coming with us?" asked the Dworcs.  
  
"No I have some very urgent work I need to get too." Gandork said. "But don't dismay, for I have drawn you a map!" And all of the Dworcs were relieved (because that was the only thing that Gandork was good for.) Anyways, they soon left Riverhell and started of to there next target, Erein Melcon, also known as the Elder Mountains. They left Riverhell with full stomachs and full bags. While they were in Riverhell, they had all been given new swords (other than Bubbles, for he insisted that he kept Biter.) Thorninyuras got a new sword, which was known as "Orc Slayer". Being Dworcs, they half hated it and half admired it. Thorninyuras was thankful for it. They also got some of the elves best ponies. They gave all of the company bows (and plenty of arrows.) They were all ready to get back on the road. In all of the spare time he had, Bubbles practiced on his bow. He practiced on whatever he could; varying from trees to squirrels (sometimes even his companions!) They occasionally stopped to sleep, and Bubbles was very glad of it. Every time they rested, they took turn taking watch. Bubbles was very glad that he didn't need to watch. After all, he was just a good luck charm. Anyways, nothing very exciting happened, until one night when they were resting out under the stars. It was Bawling's turn to watch. About midnight Bubbles was awoken by the sound of a loud horn.  
  
"The Horn of Belving!" said Thorninyuras, worried. Belving was the capital of the Belves. All of the Dworcs got their bows ready. Bubbles, however, took out Biter. Bubbles looked around. There were more than 10,000 Belves!  
  
"Kill them all!" yelled a Belve that Bubbles recognized. It was the Belve that ran away from Gandork's Battle*! Bubbles thought that they were all dead. How the fourteen companions kept 10,000 Belves off for even ten seconds I don't know. However, they did, and then they heard another horn. The elves had come! That was a great battle. Bubbles killed at least forty Belves, and then he looked at the battle in dismay. The elves were still outnumbered at least two to one. Bubbles didn't give up, however. He pulled out his bow and started shooting Belves. Victory was near, but then Bubbles saw something. More Belves were coming from over the hill, and Bubbles was nearly out of arrows. He then saw something. Gandork had come! But it did not look like Gandork at all, for he was dressed in white instead of his usual yellow. Bubbles then saw something else. A Belve was about to stab Gandork where it would really hurt! Bubbles was not scared, however. He pulled out his bow and shot the Belve right between the eyes. Gandork saw what Bubbles did and rode over to him.  
  
"Thank you my dear Habit! Hurry, for we are needed." And Bubbles saw what he meant. Bubbles got on the horse. Elfburn was an extremely good fighter, but he was surrounded by at least 100 Belves. Gandork rode over there as fast as he could, shooting a few Belves with lightning. Bubbles got out his bow and started shooting Belves. They soon got to Elfburn. Bubbles took out Biter and started cutting Belves. The company soon saw the situation, so they ran over to Elfburn. Bubbles saw a Belve behind Elfburn. Bubbles then did a very brave thing. He jumped off Gandork's horse and jumped the Belve. Pretty soon the Battle was finished.  
  
"Thank you, my dear Habit." Said Elfburn. Why do so many people say the same thing?  
  
"It was the least I could do to respect your kindness for me in Riverhell." Bubbles replied. Pretty soon the rest of the Elves came and gathered. Then Elfburn said a long and boring speech and Bubbles found out he was now called an Elf friend (as if that means anything).  
  
"Were those the last of the Belves?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"No, but they are permanently damaged." Gandork said. Pretty soon Elfburn and all of his little Elf peoples left. Gandork stayed for a little while and then left.  
  
"Well, it is time." Thorninyuras said. And they started back on to the road. Pretty soon they realized something: they had lost their map and their ponies! Bubbles was in great distress. Pretty soon they all found a nice patch of trees, where they spent the night hoping that no one would awake them.  
  
Chapter Six: It's Gandork!  
  
The next morning, when all of the Dworcs and Bubbles were awake, the companions set out to Erein Melcon, hoping that they were not waylaid again. Bubbles kept on practicing his bow, sometimes shooting birds, sometime shooting squirrels, and sometimes shooting Thorninyuras. The group kept walking on until they came to a nice shady spot and decided to rest there. (Isn't it convenient they always find a shady spot when they want to rest?) They were sitting down when Bubbles saw a creature in a tree.  
  
"What's that?" Bubbles asked Thorninyuras.  
  
"Some sort of creature in a tree." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I know that! What sort of creature in a tree?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"How should I know, I'm just the leader of the group, not the wise guy." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Actually, you are starting to seem like a wise guy." Bubbles said. Pretty soon all of the Dworcs were recharged and ready to get back on the road. Bubbles was wondering if they were actually going towards Erein Melcon. Bubbles was wondering when Gandork was coming back, if he ever was. The companions were also wondering where Gandork was. The group passed a few trees; sometimes stopping to kill a few wolfs every once in a while. Pretty soon they found a nice patch of trees (again), where they set up camp for the night.  
  
It was in middle of the night when Bubbles woke up to a large noise. Then he fell asleep again.  
  
The next morning, when Bubbles got up, he was thinking what could have possibly woken him up.  
  
"Perhaps it was just noise." Bubbles said.  
  
"Yes it was noise, but where did it come from." A familiar voice said. It's Gandork!  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Bubbles with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Thorninyuras with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Blubber with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Oink with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Gloink with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Drawling with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Bawling with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Filler with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Killer with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Dorky with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Norky with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Orcy with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Beefy with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Buffy with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Gandork with enthusiasm. The companions were glad that Gandork came back. "Where were you?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"I had an important errand that is none of your freakin' business." Gandork said.  
  
"Sorry." Bubbles replied, still in a good mood.  
  
"By the way, I found your map and ponies." Gandork said.  
  
"Really! Where?" asked Thorninyuras.  
  
"I ate the ponies, and burned the map for firewood." Gandork replied.  
  
"Oh. Sorry I asked." Thorninyuras replied. Pretty soon the group stopped talking and fell asleep.  
  
Bubbles was the first to wake up, but who cares. Pretty soon they had all ate breakfast and were ready to leave. They started walking to Erein Melcon, hoping they were not waylaid. Gandork was leading (of course) and Bubbles was walking behind him.  
  
"Is anything past Erein Melcon?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"Considering the world is round, yes." Gandork answered.  
  
"I mean between Erein Melcon and the Single Mountain." Bubbles replied.  
  
"Yes, a lot of empty space." Gandork said. Nothing happened until three days later, when something happened. You see Gandork was a wizard (as you probably know by now). Anyways, that does not have to do with what happened. What happened was. they ate breakfast. After they ate, they got up and started walking. They were walking when Bubbles saw a shadow in the distance.  
  
"What's that?" asked Bubbles to Gandork.  
  
"A shadow in the distance," Thorninyuras said, uninvited.  
  
"Erein Melcon." Gandork said. They were at the foot of the mountain when Bubbles saw something.  
  
"What is that?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"Nothing, it's just a whiff of clouds." Said Bawling  
  
"It's moving fast; and against the wind." Said Dorky.  
  
"Crowbang, from Dungland!" yelled Gandork. The companions ran to hide. Bubbles, who hid with Gandork, asked a good question.  
  
"What are Crowbang?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"Crowbang are crows that are spies." Gandork said.  
  
"Who are they spies for?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"They are spies for some one who I was doing my errand against." Gandork said.  
  
"And who is that?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"I said before, none of your freakin' business." Gandork said. Pretty soon, all of the Crowbangs were passed.  
  
"Why don't you want us to know your errand?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"Because it is none of your freakin' business." Gandork said. They kept walking on until they came to a wall of stone, stretching as far as the eye can see.  
  
"Will we go around it, go over it, or knock it down?" Bubbles asked Gandork.  
  
"We will go around it." Gandork said with leadership. Anyways, they started walking around when Bubbles saw something.  
  
"Look, a nice patch of trees!" Bubbles said.  
  
"Yes and that is where we will rest tonight." Gandork said.  
  
When all of the companions were awake, they started to start going around the wall of stone. They sang just one song, and here it is.  
  
We were walking, through the empty fields,  
When Crowbang came, so we pulled our shields.  
We all wondered, who had sent the mess,  
  
But Gandork said it was none of our Freakin Business  
  
It took a while, but soon they found a small sign of civilization.  
  
"Orcs!" Gandork yelled. Bubbles saw a large group of them come towards the companions.  
  
"Why are you here?" The leader Orc said.  
  
"We are trying to find away this wall of stone." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Why do you want to get past it." The lead Orc said.  
  
"Because there is something we want to get that is past it." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"What is that?" The Orc said.  
  
"None of your freakin' business." Thorninyuras said, taking up on Gandork.  
  
"Then die!" the Orc said. They had a huge battle, which would later be called The Battle of Two Cousins. Bubbles ran up to climb the nearest tree, and then started shooting arrows. All of the companions (including Gandork) ran up to follow him. Gandork then started lighting apples on fire and throwing them at the Orcs. The Orcs shrieked in pain when they burned to death. There were still to many Orcs to hold of. Pretty soon Gandork jumped of a tree, to what would have been the last of him, if a Vulture didn't come to pick him up. More Vultures came to pick up the rest of them. They were all about to leave when Bubbles saw something. Gandork was about to fall of his Vulture! He desperately tried to cling on, and then suddenly he gave up.  
  
"Fly, you fools!" he yelled as he fell.  
  
"Gandork! No!" Bubbles cried as the Vultures started to fly away. When they got to the other side of the wall, the Vultures dropped off the companions.  
  
"Well, what way do we go, now that we don't have a person who knows the true way?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"We will go that way." Thorninyuras said. So they started to go that ways, hoping that no more Orcs would come and waylay them. Pretty soon they got off Erein Melcon. Where they found a nice patch of trees and spent the night.  
  
* That is what is known as the battle Gandork survived in. 


	4. I Don't Know What To Call This Chapter B...

Chapter Seven: Things  
  
It was the next day when Bubbles woke up. Bubbles was wondering when Gandork would come back, if he ever would.  
  
"It's probably none of my freakin' business." He told himself. Pretty soon all of the companions were up and ready to go. The group was still tired from yesterday's battle. The group started walking away from the nice patch of trees when Bubbles asked Thorninyuras a question.  
  
"Is there anything between and here and the Single Mountain." Bubbles asked.  
  
"Yes, there are a few towns, and a few unknown obstacles." Thorninyuras said. Bubbles couldn't wait until they came to an inn. Bubbles hadn't slept in a good bed since the House of Elfburn. It took a while before anything exciting happened, but here is the story of when it did. You see, one day, when the group was walking over to the nearest town, they came across a nice patch of trees. They were about to sit down to rest when Bubbles noticed something.  
  
"What's that?" Bubbles asked Thorninyuras.  
  
"I don't know, and I really don't care, because I'm tired." So all of the Dworcs fell asleep. Bubbles, however, kept seeing shadows, moving in the trees. Pretty soon all of the shadows stopped, and Bubbles had the uneasy feeling that someone was staring at him. Bubbles gathered up his courage and said out loud, "I see you, you can come out now." And come out they did! It was a group of creatures that Bubbles had never seen before.  
  
"Thorninyuras! Wake up!" Bubbles yelled at the top of his voice. Thorninyuras and all of the Dworcs woke up.  
  
"What do we have here?" Thorninyuras said, looking at the things, and wondering what they were.  
  
"You have a group of angry Things. Now where is Gandork." The leader thing said.  
  
"He is not here, for he left a few days ago, fighting Orcs." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"But he has come back!" Gandork said, standing on top of a tree. He soon started shooting the things with lightning. Bubbles, not scared anymore, pulled out Biter and stabbing the things in their eyes. Gandork, in a safe place this battle, did not get hurt at all. There were only a few more things left. Pretty soon all of the things were dead, and Gandork climbed down from the tree. Bubbles ask Gandork, "What were those things?"  
  
Gandork said, "Those things are called Things. Things are very agile, very fast, very quiet." Pretty soon the group had all fell asleep. Bubbles fell asleep, thinking of the new Gandork the Purple. 


	5. Another Battle That Gandork Survives In

Chapter Eight: The Stupid Fiery Thingy  
  
Bubbles and his companions woke up later on the next day. Bubbles and the rest of the group were tired, but know one complained. After they finished eating their breakfast, the companions set out to the nearest town, Policulti. Policulti is a small town that no one had ever heard of. It is named after a one loser who supposedly won a war because he sent a stupid message to allies. The group did not do much but talk and rest.  
  
"How far are we from Policulti?" Bubbles asked Gandork.  
  
"We are about four days worth of adventure, if we do not get waylaid." Gandork replied. Bubbles was very tired and wished that he could sleep in a real bed for on night. Pretty soon the companions found a small and deserted looking shack. They decided to go in together. When they got in, they found out it was most definitely not deserted. It was filled with a weird looking something. Bubbles asked Thorninyuras "What is that?"  
  
"A weird looking something." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I know that! What kind of weird looking somethings?" Bubbles said.  
  
"A Bagrock; A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" Gandork answered. They ran away at full speed, hoping the Bagrock, which was evidently a fire creature, didn't catch them. Bubbles looked back and saw that the Bagrock was gaining at them at great speed. Bubbles then looked ahead. He saw that the group had to run over a long and narrow bridge that led over a seemingly bottomless pit. First all of the Dworcs, then Bubbles, then Gandork. However, when Gandork was half of the way across the bridge, he turned around.  
  
"You cannot pass! I wielder of a secret fire, flame of. oh, what the heck! You cannot pass!" Gandork cried. Gandork took up his staff and slammed it down on the bridge. The Bagrock seemed to not care, so Gandork spoke again.  
  
"YOU CANNOT PASS YOU STUPID FIERY THINGY!" Then Gandork slammed his staff and sword against the bridge. The ground started to shake, then tremble. Pretty soon, the thin little bridge started to fall apart. The Bagrock soon fell into the hole. Gandork, not expecting anything, turned around and looked at the group.  
  
"Am I the best or what?!" He yelled. However, Gandork did not notice the Bagrocks last attack. Before Bubbles could do anything, the Bagrock hit Gandork's legs and pushed him into the hole.  
  
"Gandork!" Bubbles yelled. There was no hope left in the hearts of the companions. Thorninyuras commanded the group to go to Policulti, where they spent the night.  
  
The next morning, after the group was up, they ate breakfast on were on their way out of Policulti. Bubbles asked Thorninyuras, "Where are we going now?" Thorninyuras said, "To the house of a friend of Gandork's."  
  
"And who is this friend?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"None of your freakin business." Thorninyuras replied. Pretty soon, when the entire group was up and ready to go, they set out to Gandork's friend house.  
  
"How long do you think it will be until we see Gandork again?" Bubbles asked Thorninyuras.  
  
"My guess is the he will be here sometime in the future." Thorninyuras said. Bubbles sighed, but did not want to start an argument. The group bought a set of ponies (and a map) to make the trip a little less painful. The group was almost to Gandork's friend's house when they got waylaid. They came to a gate!  
  
"Who might thou be?" Said an unknown voice.  
  
"Who might thou be?" Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I asked thou first." The voice said.  
  
"We are companions looking for a friend of a friend of ours." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"And who is thou's friend's friend?" asked the voice.  
  
"I don't know, he said it was none of our freakin business." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Then you may pass." Said the voice. The gate opened and the group walked through. Bubbles looked for the source of the voice, but could find nothing.  
  
"It must be magic." Bubbles said to himself. He then looked ahead and saw something that filled him with joy.  
  
"And here is your missing companion, Gandork the Green!" Said Gandork.  
  
"Gandork, it is you!" yelled Bubbles.  
  
"Yes, it is I." Said Gandork. The group most of the way to Gandork's friend's house when Gandork said, "Every once in a while, I will give a shrill whistle. When you here it, come in two at a time. Bubbles, you come with me."  
Bubbles and Gandork walked up to Gandork's friend's house (Who's name turned out to be Bearsteak) and knocked.  
  
"Whose that?" asked a voice.  
  
"It is your old friend, Gandork." Gandork said. The door opened and an old man came out.  
  
"Gandork! Why are you wearing green?" Asked the old man.  
  
"It is not my choice, the author made me." Gandork said.  
  
"Yeah, whatever you say." Said Bearsteak.  
  
"Anyway, I have a story to tell you about. Let us go inside!" Gandork said. They walked inside and sat down. Gandork then started his story.  
  
"Well, I was testing my motorcycle when I accidentally braked it too suddenly and it started to fall. I then met this fine little chap, whose name is Bubbles, and he told me to come over for a drink. I brought a few friends with me." and Gandork whistled. Drawling and Bawling came inside Bearsteak's house. "Why, here they are now. Anyway, one of them said a speech when the cave's roof started to fall! We ran out and went to a near inn."  
  
"Interesting story. Go on." said Bearsteak.  
  
"Well, the next day I had to leave early, so I went to do an errand. When I came back, I found that Mada had captured the group! I turned out they were very hungry." Gandork said.  
  
"Well, these three fellows would hardly feed them." Bearsteak said. Gandork whistled, and Blubber came in (I guess he counted as two people.)  
  
"Well, I guess he could have fed the whole group of Mada! Now back to the story."  
  
"Well, I interfered at the last moment and saved my friends."  
  
"Ha! Serves those Mada right. Now go on." Said Bearsteak.  
  
"Well, we went to a near town and spent the night. We set out to the Itchy Mountains, where the whole group fell into a hole. I myself didn't fall, but I thought it would be a waste of several friends."  
  
"You're the first person I know to call four several!" said Bearsteak. Gandork whistled, and Filler and Killer came in.  
  
"These fellows were also with me." Gandork said. By now, I'm sure that you are pretty bored, so let's just say that they Gandork repeated the whole book in this fashion. When all of the Dworcs were in, they ate some food and sang one or two songs. I'll be nice and make you read two.  
  
We are at our friend's nice shack,  
We have hung our coats on the rack,  
This is our first stop since Riverhell,  
And through the crack Gandork had fell.  
  
And  
  
We have now made our way to Bearsteak,  
We are happy, no mistake.  
We stuff our faces and have a beer,  
We do not have anything to fear. 


	6. Anoteh Battle Gandork Survives

Chapter Five: Another Battle that Gandork Survives In  
  
"Where am I, and what is the time?" asked Bubbles, remembering the adventure as if it was a dream.  
  
"In the house of Elfburm, and it is 9:00 in the morning, and it is February 31, if you want to know." Said Gandork.  
  
"Gandork! I thought it was all a dream!" Bubbles exclaimed.  
  
"No, it was very real, whether you want it to be or not." Gandork said.  
  
"Actually, I'm not to sure what I want." Bubbles said, confused. "Where are the others?"  
  
"They are downstairs, waiting for you to wake up." Gandork said. Bubbles got up as soon as he could. Then he ran down the stairs as soon as he could.  
  
"Bubbles! You're awake! That's great!" all of the Dworcs said.  
  
"I'm glad to see you are out of your long sleep." Said a new voice. It was Elfburn! Pretty soon all of the Dworcs and Bubbles were refreshed and energized, but they all wanted to stay.  
  
"I'm having a wonderful time!" said Bubbles as Elfburn told them they needed to leave soon. It was soon agreed that they had two days to get ready to leave. Bubbles was glad that they had got there safe and sound. He had enjoyed the food and sleep, but most of all the songs. Here is one of them.  
  
We are the elves, strongest of the races,  
  
Even though we have the ugliest faces,  
We can kill by sword and bow,  
And we like to go with the flow  
  
We are stronger than you,  
Even when we have the flu,  
You shouldn't pick a fight with us,  
We don't want to bother with the fuss.  
  
But pretty soon the two days were over and they needed to be off.  
  
"May thou never run out of thy good luck." Said Elfburn.  
  
"Good luck to all of you!" said Gandork.  
  
"Aren't you coming with us?" asked the Dworcs.  
  
"No I have some very urgent work I need to get too." Gandork said. "But don't dismay, for I have drawn you a map!" And all of the Dworcs were relieved (because that was the only thing that Gandork was good for.) Anyways, they soon left Riverhell and started of to there next target, Erein Melcon, also known as the Elder Mountains. They left Riverhell with full stomachs and full bags. While they were in Riverhell, they had all been given new swords (other than Bubbles, for he insisted that he kept Biter.) Thorninyuras got a new sword, which was known as "Orc Slayer". Being Dworcs, they half hated it and half admired it. Thorninyuras was thankful for it. They also got some of the elves best ponies. They gave all of the company bows (and plenty of arrows.) They were all ready to get back on the road. In all of the spare time he had, Bubbles practiced on his bow. He practiced on whatever he could; varying from trees to squirrels (sometimes even his companions!) They occasionally stopped to sleep, and Bubbles was very glad of it. Every time they rested, they took turn taking watch. Bubbles was very glad that he didn't need to watch. After all, he was just a good luck charm. Anyways, nothing very exciting happened, until one night when they were resting out under the stars. It was Bawling's turn to watch. About midnight Bubbles was awoken by the sound of a loud horn.  
  
"The Horn of Belving!" said Thorninyuras, worried. Belving was the capital of the Belves. All of the Dworcs got their bows ready. Bubbles, however, took out Biter. Bubbles looked around. There were more than 10,000 Belves!  
  
"Kill them all!" yelled a Belve that Bubbles recognized. It was the Belve that ran away from Gandork's Battle*! Bubbles thought that they were all dead. How the fourteen companions kept 10,000 Belves off for even ten seconds I don't know. However, they did, and then they heard another horn. The elves had come! That was a great battle. Bubbles killed at least forty Belves, and then he looked at the battle in dismay. The elves were still outnumbered at least two to one. Bubbles didn't give up, however. He pulled out his bow and started shooting Belves. Victory was near, but then Bubbles saw something. More Belves were coming from over the hill, and Bubbles was nearly out of arrows. He then saw something. Gandork had come! But it did not look like Gandork at all, for he was dressed in white instead of his usual yellow. Bubbles then saw something else. A Belve was about to stab Gandork where it would really hurt! Bubbles was not scared, however. He pulled out his bow and shot the Belve right between the eyes. Gandork saw what Bubbles did and rode over to him.  
  
"Thank you my dear Habit! Hurry, for we are needed." And Bubbles saw what he meant. Bubbles got on the horse. Elfburn was an extremely good fighter, but he was surrounded by at least 100 Belves. Gandork rode over there as fast as he could, shooting a few Belves with lightning. Bubbles got out his bow and started shooting Belves. They soon got to Elfburn. Bubbles took out Biter and started cutting Belves. The company soon saw the situation, so they ran over to Elfburn. Bubbles saw a Belve behind Elfburn. Bubbles then did a very brave thing. He jumped off Gandork's horse and jumped the Belve. Pretty soon the Battle was finished.  
  
"Thank you, my dear Habit." Said Elfburn. Why do so many people say the same thing?  
  
"It was the least I could do to respect your kindness for me in Riverhell." Bubbles replied. Pretty soon the rest of the Elves came and gathered. Then Elfburn said a long and boring speech and Bubbles found out he was now called an Elf friend (as if that means anything).  
  
"Were those the last of the Belves?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"No, but they are permanently damaged." Gandork said. Pretty soon Elfburn and all of his little Elf peoples left. Gandork stayed for a little while and then left.  
  
"Well, it is time." Thorninyuras said. And they started back on to the road. Pretty soon they realized something: they had lost their map and their ponies! Bubbles was in great distress. Pretty soon they all found a nice patch of trees, where they spent the night hoping that no one would awake them.  
  
Chapter Six: It's Gandork!  
  
The next morning, when all of the Dworcs and Bubbles were awake, the companions set out to Erein Melcon, hoping that they were not waylaid again. Bubbles kept on practicing his bow, sometimes shooting birds, sometime shooting squirrels, and sometimes shooting Thorninyuras. The group kept walking on until they came to a nice shady spot and decided to rest there. (Isn't it convenient they always find a shady spot when they want to rest?) They were sitting down when Bubbles saw a creature in a tree.  
  
"What's that?" Bubbles asked Thorninyuras.  
  
"Some sort of creature in a tree." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I know that! What sort of creature in a tree?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"How should I know, I'm just the leader of the group, not the wise guy." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Actually, you are starting to seem like a wise guy." Bubbles said. Pretty soon all of the Dworcs were recharged and ready to get back on the road. Bubbles was wondering if they were actually going towards Erein Melcon. Bubbles was wondering when Gandork was coming back, if he ever was. The companions were also wondering where Gandork was. The group passed a few trees; sometimes stopping to kill a few wolfs every once in a while. Pretty soon they found a nice patch of trees (again), where they set up camp for the night.  
  
It was in middle of the night when Bubbles woke up to a large noise. Then he fell asleep again.  
  
The next morning, when Bubbles got up, he was thinking what could have possibly woken him up.  
  
"Perhaps it was just noise." Bubbles said.  
  
"Yes it was noise, but where did it come from." A familiar voice said. It's Gandork!  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Bubbles with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Thorninyuras with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Blubber with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Oink with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Gloink with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Drawling with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Bawling with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Filler with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Killer with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Dorky with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Norky with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Orcy with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Beefy with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Buffy with enthusiasm.  
  
"It's Gandork!" yelled Gandork with enthusiasm. The companions were glad that Gandork came back. "Where were you?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"I had an important errand that is none of your freakin' business." Gandork said.  
  
"Sorry." Bubbles replied, still in a good mood.  
  
"By the way, I found your map and ponies." Gandork said.  
  
"Really! Where?" asked Thorninyuras.  
  
"I ate the ponies, and burned the map for firewood." Gandork replied.  
  
"Oh. Sorry I asked." Thorninyuras replied. Pretty soon the group stopped talking and fell asleep.  
  
Bubbles was the first to wake up, but who cares. Pretty soon they had all ate breakfast and were ready to leave. They started walking to Erein Melcon, hoping they were not waylaid. Gandork was leading (of course) and Bubbles was walking behind him.  
  
"Is anything past Erein Melcon?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"Considering the world is round, yes." Gandork answered.  
  
"I mean between Erein Melcon and the Single Mountain." Bubbles replied.  
  
"Yes, a lot of empty space." Gandork said. Nothing happened until three days later, when something happened. You see Gandork was a wizard (as you probably know by now). Anyways, that does not have to do with what happened. What happened was. they ate breakfast. After they ate, they got up and started walking. They were walking when Bubbles saw a shadow in the distance.  
  
"What's that?" asked Bubbles to Gandork.  
  
"A shadow in the distance," Thorninyuras said, uninvited.  
  
"Erein Melcon." Gandork said. They were at the foot of the mountain when Bubbles saw something.  
  
"What is that?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"Nothing, it's just a whiff of clouds." Said Bawling  
  
"It's moving fast; and against the wind." Said Dorky.  
  
"Crowbang, from Dungland!" yelled Gandork. The companions ran to hide. Bubbles, who hid with Gandork, asked a good question.  
  
"What are Crowbang?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"Crowbang are crows that are spies." Gandork said.  
  
"Who are they spies for?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"They are spies for some one who I was doing my errand against." Gandork said.  
  
"And who is that?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"I said before, none of your freakin' business." Gandork said. Pretty soon, all of the Crowbangs were passed.  
  
"Why don't you want us to know your errand?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"Because it is none of your freakin' business." Gandork said. They kept walking on until they came to a wall of stone, stretching as far as the eye can see.  
  
"Will we go around it, go over it, or knock it down?" Bubbles asked Gandork.  
  
"We will go around it." Gandork said with leadership. Anyways, they started walking around when Bubbles saw something.  
  
"Look, a nice patch of trees!" Bubbles said.  
  
"Yes and that is where we will rest tonight." Gandork said.  
  
When all of the companions were awake, they started to start going around the wall of stone. They sang just one song, and here it is.  
  
We were walking, through the empty fields,  
When Crowbang came, so we pulled our shields.  
We all wondered, who had sent the mess,  
  
But Gandork said it was none of our Freakin Business  
  
It took a while, but soon they found a small sign of civilization.  
  
"Orcs!" Gandork yelled. Bubbles saw a large group of them come towards the companions.  
  
"Why are you here?" The leader Orc said.  
  
"We are trying to find away this wall of stone." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Why do you want to get past it." The lead Orc said.  
  
"Because there is something we want to get that is past it." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"What is that?" The Orc said.  
  
"None of your freakin' business." Thorninyuras said, taking up on Gandork.  
  
"Then die!" the Orc said. They had a huge battle, which would later be called The Battle of Two Cousins. Bubbles ran up to climb the nearest tree, and then started shooting arrows. All of the companions (including Gandork) ran up to follow him. Gandork then started lighting apples on fire and throwing them at the Orcs. The Orcs shrieked in pain when they burned to death. There were still to many Orcs to hold of. Pretty soon Gandork jumped of a tree, to what would have been the last of him, if a Vulture didn't come to pick him up. More Vultures came to pick up the rest of them. They were all about to leave when Bubbles saw something. Gandork was about to fall of his Vulture! He desperately tried to cling on, and then suddenly he gave up.  
  
"Fly, you fools!" he yelled as he fell.  
  
"Gandork! No!" Bubbles cried as the Vultures started to fly away. When they got to the other side of the wall, the Vultures dropped off the companions.  
  
"Well, what way do we go, now that we don't have a person who knows the true way?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"We will go that way." Thorninyuras said. So they started to go that ways, hoping that no more Orcs would come and waylay them. Pretty soon they got off Erein Melcon. Where they found a nice patch of trees and spent the night.  
  
* That is what is known as the battle Gandork survived in. 


	7. Things

Chapter Eight: The Stupid Fiery Thingy  
  
Bubbles and his companions woke up later on the next day. Bubbles and the rest of the group were tired, but know one complained. After they finished eating their breakfast, the companions set out to the nearest town, Policulti. Policulti is a small town that no one had ever heard of. It is named after a one loser who supposedly won a war because he sent a stupid message to allies. The group did not do much but talk and rest.  
  
"How far are we from Policulti?" Bubbles asked Gandork.  
  
"We are about four days worth of adventure, if we do not get waylaid." Gandork replied. Bubbles was very tired and wished that he could sleep in a real bed for on night. Pretty soon the companions found a small and deserted looking shack. They decided to go in together. When they got in, they found out it was most definitely not deserted. It was filled with a weird looking something. Bubbles asked Thorninyuras "What is that?"  
  
"A weird looking something." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I know that! What kind of weird looking somethings?" Bubbles said.  
  
"A Bagrock; A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" Gandork answered. They ran away at full speed, hoping the Bagrock, which was evidently a fire creature, didn't catch them. Bubbles looked back and saw that the Bagrock was gaining at them at great speed. Bubbles then looked ahead. He saw that the group had to run over a long and narrow bridge that led over a seemingly bottomless pit. First all of the Dworcs, then Bubbles, then Gandork. However, when Gandork was half of the way across the bridge, he turned around.  
  
"You cannot pass! I wielder of a secret fire, flame of. oh, what the heck! You cannot pass!" Gandork cried. Gandork took up his staff and slammed it down on the bridge. The Bagrock seemed to not care, so Gandork spoke again.  
  
"YOU CANNOT PASS YOU STUPID FIERY THINGY!" Then Gandork slammed his staff and sword against the bridge. The ground started to shake, then tremble. Pretty soon, the thin little bridge started to fall apart. The Bagrock soon fell into the hole. Gandork, not expecting anything, turned around and looked at the group.  
  
"Am I the best or what?!" He yelled. However, Gandork did not notice the Bagrocks last attack. Before Bubbles could do anything, the Bagrock hit Gandork's legs and pushed him into the hole.  
  
"Gandork!" Bubbles yelled. There was no hope left in the hearts of the companions. Thorninyuras commanded the group to go to Policulti, where they spent the night.  
  
The next morning, after the group was up, they ate breakfast on were on their way out of Policulti. Bubbles asked Thorninyuras, "Where are we going now?" Thorninyuras said, "To the house of a friend of Gandork's."  
  
"And who is this friend?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"None of your freakin business." Thorninyuras replied. Pretty soon, when the entire group was up and ready to go, they set out to Gandork's friend house.  
  
"How long do you think it will be until we see Gandork again?" Bubbles asked Thorninyuras.  
  
"My guess is the he will be here sometime in the future." Thorninyuras said. Bubbles sighed, but did not want to start an argument. The group bought a set of ponies (and a map) to make the trip a little less painful. The group was almost to Gandork's friend's house when they got waylaid. They came to a gate!  
  
"Who might thou be?" Said an unknown voice.  
  
"Who might thou be?" Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I asked thou first." The voice said.  
  
"We are companions looking for a friend of a friend of ours." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"And who is thou's friend's friend?" asked the voice.  
  
"I don't know, he said it was none of our freakin business." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Then you may pass." Said the voice. The gate opened and the group walked through. Bubbles looked for the source of the voice, but could find nothing.  
  
"It must be magic." Bubbles said to himself. He then looked ahead and saw something that filled him with joy.  
  
"And here is your missing companion, Gandork the Green!" Said Gandork.  
  
"Gandork, it is you!" yelled Bubbles.  
  
"Yes, it is I." Said Gandork. The group most of the way to Gandork's friend's house when Gandork said, "Every once in a while, I will give a shrill whistle. When you here it, come in two at a time. Bubbles, you come with me."  
Bubbles and Gandork walked up to Gandork's friend's house (Who's name turned out to be Bearsteak) and knocked.  
  
"Whose that?" asked a voice.  
  
"It is your old friend, Gandork." Gandork said. The door opened and an old man came out.  
  
"Gandork! Why are you wearing green?" Asked the old man.  
  
"It is not my choice, the author made me." Gandork said.  
  
"Yeah, whatever you say." Said Bearsteak.  
  
"Anyway, I have a story to tell you about. Let us go inside!" Gandork said. They walked inside and sat down. Gandork then started his story.  
  
"Well, I was testing my motorcycle when I accidentally braked it too suddenly and it started to fall. I then met this fine little chap, whose name is Bubbles, and he told me to come over for a drink. I brought a few friends with me." and Gandork whistled. Drawling and Bawling came inside Bearsteak's house. "Why, here they are now. Anyway, one of them said a speech when the cave's roof started to fall! We ran out and went to a near inn."  
  
"Interesting story. Go on." said Bearsteak.  
  
"Well, the next day I had to leave early, so I went to do an errand. When I came back, I found that Mada had captured the group! I turned out they were very hungry." Gandork said.  
  
"Well, these three fellows would hardly feed them." Bearsteak said. Gandork whistled, and Blubber came in (I guess he counted as two people.)  
  
"Well, I guess he could have fed the whole group of Mada! Now back to the story."  
  
"Well, I interfered at the last moment and saved my friends."  
  
"Ha! Serves those Mada right. Now go on." Said Bearsteak.  
  
"Well, we went to a near town and spent the night. We set out to the Itchy Mountains, where the whole group fell into a hole. I myself didn't fall, but I thought it would be a waste of several friends."  
  
"You're the first person I know to call four several!" said Bearsteak. Gandork whistled, and Filler and Killer came in.  
  
"These fellows were also with me." Gandork said. By now, I'm sure that you are pretty bored, so let's just say that they Gandork repeated the whole book in this fashion. When all of the Dworcs were in, they ate some food and sang one or two songs. I'll be nice and make you read two.  
  
We are at our friend's nice shack,  
We have hung our coats on the rack,  
This is our first stop since Riverhell,  
And through the crack Gandork had fell.  
  
And  
  
We have now made our way to Bearsteak,  
We are happy, no mistake.  
We stuff our faces and have a beer,  
We do not have anything to fear. 


	8. Into the Hollin Tunnles

Chapter Nine: Into the Hollin Tunnels  
  
"Well, it is time that we were off." Gandork said, and the Dworcs got up tiredly. Bubbles would not have gotten up at all if Gandork didn't threaten to turn him into a double-headed frog. It didn't help that Gandork had, last night after dinner, warned the group of a new and greater danger that they faced on this next stage: a long dark path on the way to Hollin. Hollin was an ancient land of Elves that had long been deserted and re-inhabited by shiftless creatures.  
  
"What is this dark way?" Bubbles had asked skeptically. Even a huge vegetarian meal, offered by Bearsteak, had not dulled his wits enough to accept without question anything Gandork might think up.  
  
"Of old it was called the Hollin Tunnel," Gandork replied. "Then, it was a place of beautiful shiny tiles and fluorescent lights that held back the night, and of old it was filled with the aroma of diesel. Ahh. those were the days," he said in a happy dream. "But now it is abandoned by travelers, and a place of darkness it has become, and it has a darker name: More-Mada"  
  
"Ai!! No!" Wailed the hapless Dworcs, "Not More-Mada! No one that goes in there ever comes out alive!"  
  
"Do I look frightened?" Gandork snapped, and his eyebrows bristled imperiously.  
  
"Why should you?" replied Bubbles, now quite annoyed. "Oh-you- that-has-more-lives-than-a-cat, may your beard grow ever longer! But some of us, less well endowed with reincarnational ability, might have some reservations about a long trip in the dark without even a flashlight!"  
  
"What's a flashlight?" Asked Thorninyuras  
  
"Oh, yeah, this is a British story," Bubbles answered. "A torch."  
  
"But I can make a light!" said Gandork. "Besides, this is the shortest way, danger or no. There are dangers every way, and to walk the long way around would be a lot more WORK."  
  
"Urf," said Bubbles, suddenly seeing the point. "I guess I'll go with you." That's how last evening ended. By the morning, Bubbles was feeling fresh reservations and Gandork's threats barely sufficed; but they did the trick in the end. So, with much grumbling, they started their way to More-Mada, or the Hollin Tunnel or whatever it was called. They did not have too much trouble on their way, and every night they found a nice shady spot of trees to rest. One day, however, they came across a huge, stone wall.  
  
"Ahh! The walls of More-Mada!" said Gandork. Gandork led them to a spot somewhat in the middle of the wall.  
  
"I don't see any door," said Bawling, looking around nervously. The sun was falling, and this place was beginning to look a little creepy. A stinking pool lay nearby filled with greasy looking water.  
  
"Of course not," Gandork replied, "for the ancient elves knew how to make writing that was only visible in moonlight and starlight. They made it out of."  
  
"Dirt!" squeaked Bubbles suddenly. "This whole wall is covered with dirt! Look! I can scrape some of it off with this old branch." Sure enough, as the others watched, Bubbles scratched at the wall, and some dirt fell away. Soon, a smooth face of rock appeared, and right over Bubble's head was, very distinctly, a circle.  
  
"Why, it's an Ooo-la-la rune," exclaimed Gandork. "You really can be a most useful Habit! Here everyone, let's clean off this dirt and uncover the rest of the runes. Then I will show you my mastery of the ancient elvish languages." The Dworcs went to work as only Dworcs can (that is, with a lot of noise and not much progress). Soon, after much effort, jumbling, and cursing, a good portion of the wall had been wiped clean. Actually, most of the dirt now looked as though it had clung to the travelers. They all stopped, exhausted, and looked up at the wall. Plenty of dirt remained, but it said clearly:  
  
HOLLIN TUNNEL  
ACT CHANGEO  
  
"Well, well, what an indecipherable pile of elf runes this is," remarked Bubbles sarcastically. "Only a real genius can read that!"  
  
"But what does it mean," asked Killer, who was spitting dirt out of his mouth and threatening Drawling with his stick.  
  
"It obviously is some sort of action we must take to open this magical door," said Gandork. Perhaps if I changed you into a double-headed frog- "  
  
"No! Wait! Let's try something else first," said Bubbles, not at all sure that Gandork would remember the appropriate counter spell. "Maybe we need to all act as though we were changed."  
  
"Changed? How? And how do you expect me to change?" Asked Thorninyuras importantly.  
  
"You don't really have to change, Dworc-head," said Bubbles. "Just act changed. That's what the sign says. So, maybe each of us needs to act as differently from himself as he could be. Gandork, you act dignified ("harrumph," said the wizard), Thorny, you act polite ("ahem!" said the Dworc-lord), Bawling, you act brave ("excuse me!" Said the old coward)." you can see, as Bubbles began to tell each of the Dworcs how they could act in a changed way, how much Bubbles had changed since the beginning of his adventures. Not that he could be critical of others (certainly a natural born talent), or that he liked bossing people around (a Bugger trait), but because he didn't just sit down and pout. He was actually working, if he knew it. Fortunately, he didn't quite understand this, or else he certainly would have stopped immediately, just out of annoyance. In any event, soon the place was full of Dworcs running around looking as uncharacteristic as possible and Gandork watching sullenly. This was as close to dignity as the old wizard could manage. For a long time, they pranced and harrumphed and stood around, but no change came over the stone door.  
  
"It doesn't seem to be working," said Bubbles.  
  
"Maybe you need to act changed, too!" said a few of the Dworcs, pointing out Bubbles' obvious oversight. Everyone stopped, and an argument broke out over the best way for Bubbles to act changed, until Gandork suggested the obvious: that he pretends to be hard at work. So they all went back to it harder than ever, and Bubbles decided to clean up the wall a little more, just to look industrious. What he didn't count on, though, was that more of the sign was still under dirt (Dworcish efficiency again!) He suddenly cried out as he saw the completed sign:  
HOLLIN TUNNEL  
EXACT CHANGE ONLY  
Elves: 4 gold pieces  
Dwarfs: 8 gold pieces  
Orcs: 20 gold pieces  
Everyone else: 10 gold pieces  
  
It took some time before Filler and Killer, who were trying to act polite, would stop bowing to each other and saying, "no, after you!" Finally Blubber stepped on Killer's foot, a sure attention getter, and the ornery Dworc pulled out his knife and threatened to stick it so far inside that it would never be found again. Thus ended the only polite words that the pair would ever use in their lives.  
  
"All right lads, cough it up," said Gandork, who had calculated the price. This was harder than 'acting changeo' for the tight- fisted Dworcs, and they were put into an even worse mood when Bubbles informed them that he had no money. At last there was nothing for it but to pitch in for him, too.  
  
"Where do we put the gold?" several of them asked. They scratched and scratched at the wall, but they could find no opening where the money would fit.  
  
"It was the ancient elvish practice to have a basket for collecting money at tolls," said Gandork, "but where that basket would be is now a mystery. Until we find the opening that the basket would go into, we will not open this door." The whole party searched and searched, and meanwhile the sun went down behind the mountains in front of them and it grew darker and spookier than ever. Finally, Bubbles, who was not too good at nosing around, began to look at the scene from a distance. He wanted to laugh at the Dworcs, who looked as silly as they ever had, but suddenly he realized something.  
  
"Say, do you think the hole might be in that pool of water?" He asked suddenly.  
  
"Now that you mention it, such an arrangement makes sense," said Thorninyuras, looking at the placement of the pool and the door. It did look as though the pool sat at the perfect spot for a toll basket. The problem was, now that it came to it, no one wanted to throw a pile of gold pieces into that smelly water. For one thing, there was no guarantee that it would work.  
  
"Then who would get the money out?" asked Bawling. Everyone looked at Bubbles.  
  
"Oh, no you don't!" said Bubbles. No one else felt like fishing in the smelly water, either. They all stood around dejectedly for awhile, when suddenly Buffy spoke up.  
  
"What if we tied a string to the money?" Everyone brightened at once. It was still a long and difficult business, but after some fiddling they had fashioned a little net bag out of a flap from Blubber's underwear, with spare shoestrings of about four or five of the other Dworcs, and had the money securely inside. Even so, it took Thorninyuras some time, and a lot of testing of the bag, before he was ready to lower his precious gold into the greasy water.  
  
"Here goes!" said Gandork, as he carefully lowered the shoelaces forward. "Oops!" he cried, letting go of the string. The Dworcs all cried out in alarm, and Beefy jumped toward the water without thinking. He landed in face first and immediately screamed out in annoyance at the foul smell in his nose. "Just kidding!" laughed Gandork, who had the shoelaces tied to his pinky the whole time. There was some worry as the shoelaces were almost used up, when suddenly, with a grinding noise, the stone under the sign for the Hollin Tunnel pulled back and lifted up. From behind it was near total blackness. The walls of the tunnel were pockmarked and scratched, and pieces of white porcelain littered the floor. Graffiti was scrawled on the walls, too, mostly in the sloppy handwriting of the Mada, with things like "WIZZERDS BITE" and "NUTHIN WURS THAN A BAD HABIT." The graffiti, like the tunnel itself, wound downward and backward into the mountain into an endless distance. Fear poured out of the dark opening like a vapor.  
  
"Now that it comes to it, I don't like this path at all," said Killer, hardly someone to object to the prospect of anything like a fair fight. The others agreed. Even Gandork seemed hesitant, but he fiddled with his staff and knocked it a few times, and with some jiggling and muttering a faint light came from the end. Bubbles would swear that he saw a pink bunny playing a base drum in some nearby bushes. Gandork moved uncertainly toward the yawning door.  
  
"There's no way I'm going in there! Forget it!" Beefy, still full of stinky muck, was shaking his head. "I'm getting our money back!" With that he took the shoelace ends and pulled on them to get back the gold. It appeared to be stuck. He pulled harder and harder, and suddenly, the water began to churn and bubble. Something that looked like two gigantic mounds of flesh appeared in the water, two disgusting, pimply hills of rump. Bubbles had a sinking feeling in his stomach when he heard a flatulent sound coming from between them. The Dworcs nearest the water whipped their hands to their noses and screamed out in disgust and terror. The noise went on and on, as though some giant had eaten two tons of day-old refried beans. Soon the whole company was coughing and gagging, and almost without knowing it, ran down the tunnel to escape. The door closed with a grinding noise behind them.  
  
"We now have but one choice," said Gandork grimly. "We must face the long dark of More-Mada. Be on your guard! There are much older and fouler things than Orcs, in the deep places of the world." Bubbles, more scared than he had ever been, was looking around worried. He could almost swear that he heard the distant echo of Mada voice in their usual "Phrased sentences" They had a long and boring walk, and they sang a few songs, and here is one of them.  
  
We are walking through the dark,  
And we have faced all but the shark,  
We dare not go too loud or fast,  
But we do not want to be last  
  
After a little more walking they found a nice, Oriental rug, where they spent the night. 


	9. Somethings I Cannot Tell you Because it ...

Chapter Ten: Somethings that I cannot tell you because it will  
ruin the surprise in the Dark  
  
When Bubbles woke up, he was all-alone. He could only dimly remember last nights "Adventure in the Dark" as it was later to be called. Bubbles then noticed that he was not on the rug that they had spent the night on. It seemed as though the group went on, carrying Bubbles, and that Bubbles had been dropped! Bubbles started to run in the direction that seemed to be the way that the rest of the group went. He ran for quite a long time when he tripped. His hand fell upon something soft on the hard, stone floor. It was a flower! It certainly didn't seem like it would help much, but it was actually the turning point of his career. (Actually, since he really didn't have a career, it was the beginning of his career.) He started to run some more when he heard a shout.  
  
"Lost! It is acho lost!" cried a pitiful voice. This creature turned out to be a creature named Acho. He was called this because he picked up a flower at the bottom of a river. He picked it up, wondering how it was still alive. For some reason he held on to it, even though he was extremely allergic to the pollen. He was going to give it to his Grandmother, but found he could not give it. Later, his grandma kicked him out of the household because of his bad cough.  
  
"Can you stop rambling up there?" Bubbles asked. Anyway, Bubbles ran in that direction, hoping that the creature would be able to help him out of his mess.  
  
"Acho Acho where could it be?" asked the voice. Bubbles did not know that this creature, whose name is Acho, eats anything or anyone it can find. Bubbles soon ran into the creature.  
  
"What do we have here acho acho?" Asked Acho.  
  
"We have a lost and hungry Habit!" said Bubbles.  
  
"We will eat it acho acho." Said Acho.  
  
"Wait! Let's play a game of something. If I win, you let me go. If you win, you may eat me." Bubbles replied at the last moment.  
  
"Yes, yes. Do you like riddles?" asked Acho.  
  
"No, lets do something other than riddles." Bubbles replied, thinking of how unoriginal riddles are.  
  
"Then let us compete in the ancient art of lightbulb jokes!" replied Acho.  
  
"Fine! You go first." Bubbles said. When Acho was thinking of a lightbulb joke, Bubbles looked around the tunnel. It was dark as Bubbles had ever seen before, but Bubbles smelled something new. When he turned, he saw that there was a river running nearby! After a little while, Acho had thought of his joke.  
  
"How many Mada does it take to change a lightbulb?" Asked Acho.  
  
"Only one, but it takes a lot of lightbulbs." Bubbles correctly guessed. "OK, my turn. How many Habits does it take to change a lightbulb?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"None. They are to lazy to change it." Acho said. "How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?"  
  
"None, only his staff." Bubbles replied.  
  
"Dang! That one even fooled me! Your turn." Acho said.  
  
"How many elves does it take to change a lightbulb?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"None, they only use candles." Acho said. "How many Dworcs does it take to change a light bulb?"  
  
"One, but it won't work." Bubbles said. Bubbles was running out of jokes. He decided to end to think of one really good one. "How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?"  
  
"That's not fair!" Acho said, for law is very confusing for him.  
  
"Aha! You must let me go." Bubbles said.  
  
"Tell us the answer first acho acho." Acho said.  
  
"Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:  
  
The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.  
  
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.  
  
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.  
  
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part." And Bubbles finally finished. After Bubbles was finished Acho was fast asleep. Bubbles ran to try to catch up with his group. After a very long run, he heard a familiar voice.  
  
"Who cares!? I care about him! I was the one who dragged him along on the journey, and I don't want to feel the guilt!" It was Gandork! Bubbles followed the sound to a campfire near an old well. The well did not look like it had been used since the Mada passed by, for Bubbles saw poisoned Mada bodies all over the floor.  
  
"Anyway, if none of you care about Bubbles, I do, so we are going to wait." Gandork said.  
  
"But why should we delay because of him?" asked Oink.  
  
"Because of him! You were the one to drop him!" Gandork replied angrily.  
  
"All because he was to lazy to get up when we tried to wake him!" Thorninyuras pointed out. Bubbles noticed that Filler was messing around near the well. Bubbles soon decided to just walk in.  
  
"Here I am!" Bubbles said, walking out.  
  
"Bubbles! How did you find us?" Asked the group.  
  
"I could here you from a mile off!" Bubbles said. They exchanged stories, but Bubbles decided not to tell the group about the flower. While Bubbles was in middle of talking, there was a loud plunk nearby coming from thew direction of the well. Gandork turned to Filler.  
  
"Fool of a Dworc! This is a serious journey, and not anything else! Throw yourself in next time and you will no longer be a nuisance!" Gandork cried in Filler's direction. After a while, Bubbles heard a familiar noise. Tick, tick, tick, tick.  
  
"That's the sound of a bomb or I've never heard one." Gloink said.  
  
"Yes, and I dislike it. Maybe Filler's stone turned it on. We must go on." As the group went on, Bubbles noticed that the echo that had been heard by him earlier had been becoming louder. Anyway, Bubbles was pocketing the mysterious flower. He could figure out it was magic, being still alive in a dark and desolate place like More-Mada. As the group ran faster, Bubbles noticed dark figures in the distance.  
  
"What's that?" asked Bubbles.  
  
"A dark figure in the distance!" said Thorninyuras.  
  
"Mada! Why did I delay?" Gandork said. Gandork led them to an old stone room. They rested there for a while. Gandork then laid his staff onto the ground and picked up what looked like an old diary.  
  
"They covered the front, and the fire exit. There is no way out. Ticks, ticks in the deep. There is no way out. They are coming." Gandork read.  
  
"There is no way out!" said Beefy  
  
"They are coming!" said Buffy.  
  
"Why did I delay?" Gandork asked himself furiously. The group walked on to what looked like an old inn, where they spent the night. 


	10. Not Again

Chapter Eleven: Not Again!  
  
"Get up! They have found us!" Thorninyuras yelled.  
  
"Why did I delay?" Gandork said to himself. "Hurry. We must not delay! The bridge of Cackle-Boom is near." Then the group ran at top speed, Gandork leading, to what seemed to be a tiny bridge. Bubbles then noticed something. Mada surrounded them on all sides!  
  
"Why did I delay?" Gandork said. Pretty soon the Mada moved in.  
  
"Time kill!" Lead Mada said.  
  
Bubbles thought to himself, "Wait, if Gandork keeps coming back because the author needs him, then why would we die here, because I am more crucial to the plot then Gandork!" Maybe because I am tired of writing? Any way, after a long and hard battle they finally thinned the group of Mada until they were able to run away. They came to a room and Gandork said, "OK, Bubbles, you stay here, and you, Dorky, Norky, and Orcy, stay here to protect him. Thorninyuras, Gloink, Oink, Beefy, Buffy, Bawling, Drawling, Filler, Killer, Blubber, and me are going to find a way out. Now hurry!" Most of the group left, making Dorky, Norky, and Orcy left with Bubbles.  
  
"Why did I need to stay?" Bubbles asked himself.  
  
"Don't complain, it will only make things worse." Said Norky wisely.  
  
"I can complain if I want to!" Bubbles said.  
  
"No you can't!" said Orcy, as if he was threatening Bubbles.  
  
"Yes I can!" Bubbles replied.  
  
"You want to prove it!?" Dorky said angrily. The three Dworcs cornered Bubbles into the corner. Bubbles, in a last effort to non- violently stop them, pulled out his flower.  
  
"You're a really good guy!" said Norky.  
  
"Yes, one of the best!" Orcy piped in.  
  
"Yes, we are all very glad that you are here with us on this adventure." Dorky said. Bubbles, stunned at the change of the Dworcs change of behavior, finally found out what the flower did.  
  
"This might be useful." Bubbles exclaimed.  
  
"Yes, you are very useful." Norky said.  
  
"And it might be very annoying!" Bubbles said.  
  
"No, you are not annoying us at all!" Orcy said. Bubbles, tired of the flower, put it in his pocket. Luckily, the three Dworcs were not in a bad mood or good mood towards Bubbles. After a long and boring wait, the group came back.  
  
"Well, we had a long and boring quest yet we found nothing." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"However, we did find a way out of this horrid tunnel. We must go to the bridge of Crackle-Doom, and we must cross it and destroy it afterwards." Gandork said.  
  
"Tell us about this ancient bridge." Bubbles said.  
  
"Well, it was built to get across a deep and dark hole, often called the Shadow." Gandork said. "But now we must hurry!" So with that the group ran as fast as they could, following Gandork. Bubbles noticed that it started to get warmer and warmer as they got closer to the bridge. Obviously Thorninyuras noticed it because he asked, "What is this new Devilry?"  
  
"Another Bagrock; A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!" Gandork said. Bubbles strained to look ahead, and he could almost swear that he could see the faint outline of a bridge. Bubbles then noticed that they were getting chased by more than the Bagrock, there was a whole army of Mada behind them, shooting arrows and waving swords.  
  
"Why did I delay?" Gandork asked himself. "Hurry! Swords are no use here! Or arrows." he said, looking at Bubbles. The bridge of Cackle-Doom seemed not to get any closer, no matter how long the group ran. Finally, when they did get to the bridge, the Bagrock was right there!  
  
"Get across!" Gandork yelled. First Thorninyuras ran across, then Bubbles, then the rest of the Dworcs. Finally, when it was Gandork's turn to run across, he stopped in middle and turned around.  
  
"You cannot pass! I wielder of a secret fire, flame of. oh, what the heck! You cannot pass!" Gandork cried. Gandork took up his staff and slammed it down on the bridge. The Bagrock seemed to not care, so Gandork spoke again.  
  
"YOU CANNOT PASS YOU STUPID FIREY THINGY!" Then Gandork slammed his staff and sword against the bridge. The ground started to shake, then tremble. Pretty soon, the thin little bridge started to fall apart. The Bagrock soon fell into the hole. Gandork looked back.  
  
"Am I the best or what?!" He yelled. However, Gandork did not notice the Bagrocks last attack. Before Bubbles could do anything, the Bagrock hit Gandork's legs and pushed him into the hole.  
  
"Gandork!" Bubbles yelled.  
  
"What?" Gandork asked.  
  
"Oh. Sorry, I thought that you fell." Bubbles said.  
  
"I did, but climbed back up." Gandork replied.  
  
"Good, because we need you!" Bubbles said.  
  
"Well, it's good to here that for a change." Gandork said. "Anyway, we must hurry! These halls will be swarming with Mada." So the group finally got out of More-Mada, but they did not escape its dwellings. Whole armies of Mada were following them!  
  
"Why did I delay!" Gandork asked himself. "We must get out of this place!" As soon as they left More-Mada, Bubbles eyes were hit with much light. It took him and the rest of the group a while to get adjusted, so that earned the Mada an extra ten seconds.  
  
"We must fight, we cannot run." Gandork said.  
  
"No we cannot, but we can hide!" Bubbles said, and the group saw what he meant, because the whole area was covered with brush. Each of the group was assigned to a bush, where they all hid. Bubbles bush smelled like an overweight Habit had puked all over it.  
  
"They disappear!" The Mada said. So they went back into More-Mada. The group then left their bushes and started to walk.  
  
"Where are we going next?" Bubbles said.  
  
"There!" Gandork said, pointing at a big and shadowy shape.  
  
"What is it?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"A big and shadowy shape!" Thorninyuras said.  
  
"That is the Single Mountain!" Gandork said.  
  
"So we are nearly done with this adventure!" Bubbles said.  
  
"No, this is just halfway. Most books make the way back 'Nice and Peaceful,' but this story has adventures on the way back." Gandork said.  
  
"Oh." Bubbles said in dismay. The walk towards the "big and shadowy shape" was full of sightseeing. Bubbles enjoyed most of it, but he got tired soon. After a long and boring walk, the group sat down at a nice and shady bunch of trees where the group spent the night. 


	11. To the big and Shadowy Shape

Chapter Eleven: To the Big and Shadowy Shape  
  
"Wake up Bubbles!" Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Why did you wake me up?" Bubbles asked. "I was having a wonderful dream where I did not need to work."  
  
"Don't speak of that now, we are all tired!" The group complained.  
  
"Do not despair, for we are nearly to the Single Mountain!" Gandork exclaimed.  
  
"It does not look so near to me." Bubbles said. He could see nothing except grass and the Single Mountain, save a few patch of trees every once in a while.  
  
"It is far judging by distance, yes, but it is not very far judging that there is nothing to waylay us!" Gandork said, proving that he is most definitely not all knowing, for of course it would very boring for you if they just walked. So, I naturally needed to add some adventure. Anyways, Bubbles hoped that it would be short and workless. Pretty soon, the group left and set out to the Single Mountain.  
  
"The journey will take us three days." Bubbles correctly predicted to himself.  
  
"I really need one of those bottles of Old Winyards now." Bubbles said, looking at the mountain worried.  
  
"Claug is actually very generous.for a dragon, of course." Gandork said.  
  
"I'm very comforted." Bubbles said. Anyway, after a long and boring walk, they came to trouble. Actually, to be technical, trouble came to them, but that's of the subject. Anyway, when they came to trouble, or trouble came to them, they were in trouble. It seemed that there were a lot of Things.  
  
"Things? Why did I delay?" Gandork said.  
  
"I believe you owe us money for taking our master out of business!" said the leader Thing.  
  
"Well, I was actually going to you master right now, but I need to make some money first, which is what I am doing right now!" Gandork said.  
  
"Well, then I guess that we will wait here until you make the money!" the leader Thing said.  
  
"Ok." Said Gandork. So the Things just stayed there, watching the group suspiciously. When the Things were out of earshot, Gandork said, "Those Things are so easy to fool!"  
  
"So you are not going to pay them!?" Bubbles said.  
  
"No, why should I?" Gandork said.  
  
"Because you owe them money?" guessed Bubbles.  
  
"So, why should that make me pay them?" Gandork asked.  
  
"So you do owe them money!" Bubbles said triumphantly.  
  
"Now who said that?" Gandork asked.  
  
"YOU!" Bubbles said.  
  
"I did? I don't remember saying that." Gandork said.  
  
"Well, you did. And who do those Things work for?" Bubbles said and asked.  
  
"None of your freakin business!" Gandork said. And that ended the conversation. After a long and boring walk, they came to a nice and shady spot of trees, where they spent the night. 


	12. The Shortest Chapter in this book but on...

Chapter Twelve: The Shortest Chapter in this Entire Book, but also  
one of the longest titles  
  
The next morning, when all of the peoples of the group woke up, they started on to the Single Mountain.  
  
"We won't have any trouble!" Gandork predicted again.  
  
"You said that last time!" Bubbles said. Anyway, they didn't have much trouble until they were halfway through the walk. When they were halfway through the second day, Bubbles tripped. Then he got up and they started to walk again. They soon found a nice patch of trees, where they spent the night. 


	13. Residence

Residence  
  
The next morning, the last of the walk towards the Single Mountain, they did not have very much trouble. Mostly, it was just walking. Anyway, at about 12:00 in the morning, they reached the foot of the Single Mountain. It was a spectacular sight. It was a tall mountain with two doors, one with the inscription Cluag's front entrance, no vistors, and one with the inscription Claug's hiddin entrence this is secret.  
  
"I'm glad he can spell!" Bubbles said.  
  
"They do not actually say that! Claug wrote these in an ancient language. It actually says, 'If thou cometh within, then I shalleth burneth thee." Gandork said.  
  
"Actually, it says Claug's front entrance, no visitors, and Claug's hidden entrance, this is secret." Bubbles said.  
  
"Well, whatever it says, I don't think it will be easy to get in." Gandork said, and Bubbles saw what he meant. The doors were not actually doors, they were just outlines. There were no knobs or keyholes.  
  
"How do we get in?" Dorky asked.  
  
"That's what we are trying to find out, smart one." Gloink said.  
  
"Let's go to that nearby town and see if they know anything!" Oink suggested.  
  
"How about we don't." Beefy suggested.  
  
"How about we look around the mountain?" Buffy said.  
  
"How about we look at this map that I got from Thorninyuras'es father?" Gandork suggested.  
  
"What map?" Thorninyuras asked, now thoroughly confused.  
  
"The map your father told me to give to you." Gandork said guiltily. Bubbles was going to enjoy this!  
  
"You better give me that map right now!" Thorninyuras yelled.  
  
"Sure, no problem." Gandork said, pulling out an old piece of wrinkled parchment and handing it to Thorninyuras.  
  
"Aha! There seems to be an older and much more secret door!" Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Where?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"Up there." Thorninyuras replied, pointing to the top of the mountain, where there was a huge outline of a hole.  
  
"Umm, wouldn't it be a lot easier to just to try to open these doors?" Bubbles asked, seeing how much work it would be to climb to the top of the mountain.  
  
"Physically, but not mentally." Gandork said, wisely.  
  
"OK, so then I guess we should stay here!" Bubbles said. The group was very tired and grumpy from just sitting there and thinking. Bubbles sat down to look at the view. The land they were on was very flat except. "Only one boulder." Bubbles exclaimed out loud. He started to try to shove it out of the way. "Help!" He cried. All of the Dworcs stood up and pushed. As soon as they pushed the boulder out of the way, they noticed it was covering something that looked oddly like a.  
  
"Doorknocker!" Bubbles said triumphantly.  
  
"Don't fall for it! It's a trap!" Gandork warned.  
  
"Who cares?" Killer asked, reaching down to turn the knob. Bubbles heard a loud, vibrating noise that oddly sounded like and earthquake.  
  
"What's that?" Bubbles asked, nervously.  
  
"A loud, vibrating noise that oddly sounds like an earthquake." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I warned you! RUN!" Gandork said. The group got up and ran, but Bubbles turned to look.  
  
"It was just the door opening!" Bubbles exclaimed. He went back to look. He saw a very large opening where the "Hiddin" door was.  
  
"It's a trap! It's a trap!" Bubbles said, mocking Gandork. "Oh no, I think that I may have let the dragon on us."  
  
"Better safe then sorry." Gandork murmured.  
  
"I disagree. Better in workless danger than safe work." Bubbles said. All of the Dworcs agreed loudly.  
  
"Well, when are we going to go in?" Thorninyuras asked.  
  
"Let's go now or the dragon will get us!" Bubbles said.  
  
"Don't speak of such things." Gandork warned. After a long and boring walk through the Single Mountain, the group came to a place of total darkness.  
  
"Light a torch." A voice said probably Buffy's.  
  
"That's what we are trying to do, genius." Said that seemed like Filler.  
  
"Here we go." Gandork said, pulling out his staff. After what seemed like a few hours, they got to a point to rest. However, none of them wanted to leave. They decided to send just one person.  
  
"Why do you always chose me?" Bubbles wondered under his breath.  
  
"Because you are the main character." Gandork replied.  
  
"No, I am." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"OK, then you go on." Gandork said.  
  
"Now that I think about it, you are main character, Bubbles." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"See you later." Blubber said.  
  
"Actually, the chance that we actually do see him later is precisely 13.95839%" Gandork said.  
  
"Who cares?" Bubbles wondered, wisely wondering to himself. So Bubbles had to go alone by himself to face the terror of the whole mountain. Bubbles did not have any supplies, save a flashlight, Biter, and his useful flower that he only used once. Bubbles walked on, wondering why he chose a solar power flashlight, and also wondering why he even was on this stupid adventure.  
  
"You're only going to be a good luck charm." Bubbles said, remembering Thorninyuras'es speech. Any way, after a long and boring walk (like I always say) Bubbles started to see some light.  
  
"I might be able to recharge my flashlight!" Bubbles thought, forgetting that a dragon lived in this mountain. Anyway, when he came to the source of the light, he noticed that the light was not solar, it was lunar. In other words, it was night not day, but night. Any way, that is a little off subject. What really matters is that there was a huge dragon sleeping in middle of the room. Imagine his fright! I like that phrase. Anyway, Bubbles stared around, looking into the wooden room. It looked very normal, except one very strange difference. There was no gold!  
  
"Where all the gold?" Bubbles wondered out loud.  
  
"We modern dragons don't just sit on the gold, we invest it! Look here, my three million shares of Ennron stock!" Claug said, making Bubbles jump. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you unless you steal something of mine."  
  
"Oh, I won't." Bubbles assured. "How much is Ennron worth?"  
  
"Why do you care if you won't steal any?" Claug asked.  
  
"Because. I just want to know." Bubbles said, pulling out his flower.  
  
"Oh wow, a flower. You must believe in that "Flower of Power" crap." Claug said.  
  
"What do you mean?" Bubbles asked, hastily putting away the flower.  
  
"Well, there was this rumor that some loser named Sureman, or somthin like dat, who was a total geek, and wasn't liked by anyone, not even his family. Well this punk, he tried to make every one like him by makin a flower that when anyone sees they instantly think that the wannabe holding it is the best dude in da world." Claug said, actin like he was all dat.  
  
"Sounds like you just made this up." Bubbles said.  
  
"Well, anyway, even if that was the "Flower of Power" I'm resistant to all magic." Claug said.  
  
"By the way, I forgot my manners! My name is Claug, ruler of the Single Mountain and everything near it. And you are." Claug replied.  
  
"I am a good luck charm!" Bubbles said. "And I have come here to look for riches. By my self, of course." he finished hastily.  
  
"So you were going to steal my stuff!" Claug said angrily.  
  
"No, of course not! We wanted to trade with you." Bubbles said.  
  
"WE!? You said that you were alone. This whole thing smells fishy to me." Claug replied.  
  
"I meant I wanted to trade with you. And the reason it smells fishy is because. that's what I ate yesterday. Yeah, that's it." Bubbles said.  
  
"Oh, just leave, you pathetic excuse for a whateversortofcreatureyouare." Claug commanded.  
  
"OK, whatever." Bubbles said. As soon as he was out of hearing range of Claug, he said to himself, "Idiot of a dragon! I took one of the shares!" Bubbles then looked at the stock. It read  
  
Ennron Stock  
One Share  
Worth: A little less than a gold piece  
  
"A little less than a gold piece! I'm going to get real rich." Bubbles said to himself. Anyway, he soon got to the encampment of the Dworcs.  
  
"Did you find anything?" Buffy asked, excited.  
  
"Yes, no thanks to all of you." Bubbles answered.  
  
"Well, how much gold did you find?" Beefy asked.  
  
"None!" Bubbles answered.  
  
"You said you found something." Said Bawling.  
  
"I did!" Bubbles said.  
  
"Well, what did you find then?" Drawling asked.  
  
"Ennron stock!" Bubbles said proudly.  
  
"Ennron stock?" Thorninyuras said, in the sort of tone you talk in when you are disappointed but don't want anyone to know that you are.  
  
"Yes, about three million shares." Bubbles replied.  
  
"How much is it worth?" Gandork asked.  
  
"Look here!" Bubbles said, handing him the share that he stole.  
  
"A little less than a gold piece." Gandork said to himself.  
  
"That's barely any!" Dorky complained.  
  
"Especially after commission." Norky continued.  
  
"Actually, it is roughly 1,583,925 gold pieces. Divide that by 14, and that how much you will each get." Gandork said. After a little thinking, he continued, "113,137.5 gold pieces each."  
  
"Who really cares?" Orcy asked, doing what Bubbles dared not do.  
  
"Well, since you obviously don't, I guess then we'll split your share, making us each have 121840.38461538461538461538461538 gold pieces." Gandork said. Actually, he was a little more specific but it was an ongoing fraction. Anyway, Orcy soon said that he didn't mean to say that.  
  
"It just slipped." He said, seemingly apologetic.  
  
"No harm done." Gandork said.  
  
Far away, in the heart of the mountain, it was a very noisy day. Claug woke up in a seemingly normal day, until it was time to count.  
  
"2,999,997, 2,999,998, 2,999,999." He counted.  
  
"Why, that little thief and coward! He stole one of my three million, now two million, nine hundred ninety-nine Ennron stock! When I get my wing on that.thing, I will BEEB him up!" Claug said angrily. (He didn't actually say BEEB, but I want to make this story mature.) He then "roared", which sounded more like a giant that had too many beans for dinner last night.  
  
Back at the Dworc encampment, Bubbles heard a frightening roar. It sounded as though Claug had noticed that a stock was missing.  
  
"We need to find a way to get into his treasury." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"I say that we break in by force." Blubber said.  
  
"I say we use magic." Gandork said.  
  
"I say no to both." Bubbles said.  
  
"Why not?" Thorninyuras asked.  
  
"There is an easier to get in without a fight, and not needing to sneak. You just need to give something he wants." Bubbles said.  
  
"And that something would be." Gandork asked.  
  
"Me." 


	14. The Climax of the Story

Chapter Fourteen: The Climax of the Story  
  
About two hours later, when they had all of the ideas set out, they started to walk towards the room that Bubbles had been the other day. Their plan was to first acknowledge that they had Bubbles (so Claug wouldn't fry them) and then bring him in. Bubbles, of course, had his bow and arrow's hidden, hoping that somehow they would be able to find a weak spot in the dragon's thick skulled head. Any way, when they were a reasonable distance from the Dragon's Room, they yelled, "WE HAVE YOUR THIEF WITH US!"  
  
"REALLY? DID YOU SEE MY LAMPOST POSTER?" Claug asked.  
  
"YEA, I GUESS." They yelled.  
  
"OK, BRING HIM IN THEN." Claug replied. So the group of Dworcs brought Bubbles, who was getting ready to shoot his bow, like all of the Dworcs.  
  
"WHY, HERE IS MY LITTLE THIEF." Claug said.  
  
"You don't need to yell, we are right here." Gandork reasoned.  
  
"And you don't really need to live, because I am right here." Claug threatened.  
  
"Actually, I do need to live, because if you kill me here, I will just come back later." Gandork reasoned.  
  
"OK then." Claug said. He then scooped up and ate Gandork. "That should teach him some manners."  
  
"Why would it?" Gandork asked, crawling back up to Claug's mouth. Gandork then shot a lightning bolt in middle of Claug's mouth. Ouch, Bubble's thought. Anyway, all of the Dworcs and Bubbles pulled out their bows and pointed them towards Claug in a threatening stance. Claug, now getting kinda mad at Gandork, didn't notice. Bubbles then noticed a weak spot in Claug's head.  
  
"THE EYES. IT IS THE EYES!" Bubbles yelled triumphantly, not knowing that the Dworcs were running away. Bubbles noticed something odd, though.  
  
"Gandork, why do you always die when we need you?" Bubbles asked. Of course he didn't get answered. Bubbles pulled his bow back and shot.  
  
"OUCH!" Claug said, having not noticed that Bubbles was still in the room. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"  
  
"Why do all of the enemies ask that when we are one on one?" Bubbles asked, loading another arrow.  
  
"I don't really know." Claug said, stopping to think. Bubbles then shot.  
  
"Can you stop that? I'm trying to think!" Claug said angrily. Bubbles loaded his last arrow. Now this was not just any arrow. This was called the Black Arrow, and it had never missed the target.  
  
"This one is for you, Gandork the WhateverColorYouAre." And Bubbles pulled the trigger. Actually, he let go of the string, but that doesn't sound as good. Anyway, the arrow went right towards Claug's eye. and missed.  
  
"Now I told you to stop that. I am going to enjoy watching you die, Mr. Boogers." Claug said.  
  
"My name. is Bubbles." Bubbles said. Claug then shot three fireballs at Bubbles. Suddenly, as the fireballs grew near to Bubbles, the book became slow motion. Bubbles then leaned back until his back was parallel to the floor. He easily dodged the first one, but the other two ripped off a little flesh.  
  
"How did you do that?" Gandork asked.  
  
"Do what?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"I've never seen anyone move that fast." Gandork said.  
  
"It wasn't fast enough." Bubbles pointed out, looking down at his scars. "By the way, what's the new robe color?"  
  
"Yellowish-Green." Gandork said. Of course Claug just stood there and listened. Bubbles then heard a loud sound that sounded like a crackling fire. Claug had taken all of the shares, and he had set the floor on fire! (I did say that it was wooden, remember?)  
  
"You here that? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death." Claug exclaimed. Claug then flew out of the room. Bubbles looked around. Bubbles and Gandork were inside of a burning room, and there were two ways out. By flying out the roof, or by them both excepting death and hope I am generous enough to let them come back. Bubbles looked around the room. It was now empty, except.  
  
"The Black Arrow!" Bubbles yelled, running to pick it up.  
  
"It is no use to us now." Gandork wisely pointed out. Bubbles, however, had a plan. Bubbles set the arrow on fire, and shot it up into the blue sky.  
  
Long away, in a town on the foot of the Single Mountain, a scout was startled. He could have sworn that he had seen a burning piece of wood fly from the mountain. However, he thinks he was just hallucinating, so he goes back to his daily life.  
  
Meanwhile, back in the Single Mountain, Gandork had given up all hope. Bubbles determined to finish off the adventure or die trying, which he thought was going to happen, was thinking of ideas. He soon gave up and tried to play back the adventure. He soon remembered something.  
  
"Your motorcycle! You can call your motorcycle!" Bubbles exclaimed.  
  
"I knew you were good for something! Now let me think of the spell." Gandork said.  
  
"I remember!" He then said these mumbo-jumbo words, and a few sparks flew from Gandork's staff. After a few minutes something flew over head. It was the motorcycle, but there was someone on it! It was a Thing!  
  
"Looking for this?" It asked.  
  
"Actually, we were. Hand it over, please." Bubbles said, showing him the flower. The Thing then jumped off of the motorcycle. Gandork jumped on to it.  
  
"Hurry, he will be burnt with the rest of the room." So Bubbles jumped onto the motorcycle.  
  
Thorninyuras and the rest of the Dworcs were in dismay. They saw their leader get eaten and could here the angry call of Claug, thinking Bubbles was also dead. Thorninyuras, finally defeated, led the group out of the Single Mountain. They looked around at the blue sky, looking for a sign of Gandork. They could see none, but they could see something bad. The Dragon!  
  
"Please.don't.hurt.us." Thorninyuras barely managed.  
  
"Why should I spare you. you freaks." Claug spat. "You set up a plan to kill me. Let me tell you what." But he never got a chance to. He soon got rampaged with the arrows of the group.  
  
"You think that hurts me? I have armor, you stupid BEEB." Claug said. However, Thorninyuras refused to give up.  
  
"Reload.Aim.FIRE!" He kept barking. Claug, being a little preoccupied, did not notice that there was a little motorcycle near the top of his head. Bubbles then jumped onto the top of Claug's head, wielding Gandork's longsword, which was three times larger than he was. It went deep into Claug's head. Gandork then took out his staff and shot fireballs into Claug's face.  
  
"How do you like that, huh?" Gandork screamed. Claug screamed in pain.  
  
"STOP, STOP!" He yelled.  
  
"Why should I spare you. you freak." Thorninyuras said. After a long, boring fight, Claug finally dropped down dead. There was one mistake in the plan, which you probably noticed.  
  
"BUBBLES!" Gandork yelled. Bubbles airsurfed on Claug, and jumped off right before it hit the ground.  
  
"He needs to brush his teeth, what ever he ate last stinks!" Bubbles said.  
  
"Shut up." Gandork said. "OH BEEB! I BURNT THE STOCK!"  
  
"What did you say?" Thorninyuras asked furiously.  
  
"OH BEEB! I BURNT THE STOCK!" Gandork repeated. They soon made their way to the top of the mountain, where there was a nice patch of trees, and spent the night. Bubbles woke up in middle of the night. Blubber was on watch, but Bubbles had an idea.  
  
"Blubber, I am not able to sleep, let me take watch." Bubbles said.  
  
"Well, I might get in trouble." Blubber said.  
  
"No, you won't." Bubbles said, taking out his flower.  
  
"I'll take your word for it." Blubber said, going to sleep. When Bubbles made sure all of the Dworcs (and Gandork) were asleep, he snuck down to the fallen dragon. Carefully cut the hide off in a shape about the size of his old armor, and sowed it together to make one sweet armor set. Bubbles put it on, and it weighed less than his normal clothes! He then went back to the camp, woke up Blubber, and told him he would try to sleep again. 


	15. The Battle Of a Whole Ton of Armies

Chapter Fifteen: The Battle of A Whole Ton of Armies  
  
"Wake up! We are in grave danger!" Bubbles woke up to that grave call.  
  
"What is it?" Bubbles asked. He looked off the mountain. There were many large armies!  
  
"Many large armies!" Thorninyuras answered. Bubbles looked again. The enemy side was an assortment of Things, Goblins, Orcs, Belves, Mada, a few Bagrocks, Mosquitoes, and Crowbang. On the good side were Elves, The Group, and Vultures. This battle was later to be called "The Battle of A Whole Ton of Armies." Bubbles took out his bow and a few arrows. The Vultures flew to the top of the Mountain and picked up The Group. When they got near enough to the battle, he started shooting Mosquitoes, who seemed to be torturing people instead of killing them. The Vultures (that were not holding the Group) started to kill the Crowbang, while the Elves and Belves dueled. When they got near enough to the battle, Bubbles started shooting Mosquitoes, who seemed to be torturing people instead of killing them. Gandork seemed to follow Bubbles example and killed the Mosquitoes. The number of Mosquitoes soon lessened, and Bubbles started onto the Mada. Gandork, however, was not fighting. Bubbles turned to see why. Gandork had died! However, after Bubbles killed a few more Mada, Gandork came back in a Reddish- Brown robe. Bubbles soon ran out of arrows, so he took out Biter and told his Vulture to fly closer to the ground. Bubbles, using one hand to hold onto the Vulture and one hand on Biter, started chopping Mada head. Gandork shot lightning at the Goblins, but he soon died again. Bubbles didn't really care because he new Gandork was going to come back, so he kept on killing Mada. Sure enough, Gandork came back within the minute, fighting more Goblins, this time wearing Bluish-Green. Thorninyuras was heavily loaded, so Bubbles told his Vulture to fly in that direction. Thorninyuras, who's Vulture had been slain by Crowbang, gratefully thanked Bubbles, and hopped onto Bubble's Vulture. Bubbles borrowed a few arrows and shot Crowbang. Gandork, who had died three times when Bubbles had finally came to help. Gandork gratefully thanked Bubbles and jumped onto his Vulture. Soon Bubbles Vulture got tired, so Gandork and Thorninyuras switched to new Vultures. Crowbang killed Gandork, who thought that he was safe, three minutes in. Bubbles, out of arrows (again) told his Vulture to fly near the ground, where Bubbles jumped the nearest Thing. It just so happened that this Thing was about to kill some one.  
  
"Thee deeds hath made thee deserve wealth beyond thou's imagination." Some one said. Thou hath probably guessed whoth spoketh these wordths.  
  
"Hello, Elfburn." Bubbles said.  
  
"Helloth." Elfburn answered. "Thouth bravery musteth lasteth a feweth moreth hourths." So Bubbles killed a few more Things when Bubbles noticed something. The Bagrocks were wiping everyone out! Bubbles ran over to kill them, not remembering that Gandork had died against one. Bubbles ran over to the Bagrock, trying somehow to stab its eyes. However, when Bubbles even got relatively close, he got hit by a blunt weapon, which knocked him out. 


	16. Roast Mada

Chapter Sixteen: Roast Mada  
  
When Bubbles woke up, the field had the smell of.  
  
"Roast Mada?" Bubbles said. He lifted his head up. The fighting was still going on! There was one major difference, however. One of the Bagrocks had fallen down and set the Mada on fire. Gandork and Thorninyuras ran over as soon as they saw Bubbles.  
  
"Oh no." Gandork said. "I think he's dead!"  
  
"I'm OK." Bubbles said.  
  
"How did you survive! Did you learn how to come back like me?" Gandork said.  
  
"I think there is more to this Habit then meets the eye." Thorninyuras said wisely. Bubbles took off the shirt that was covering his dragon hide.  
  
"What the heck! Does that mean you're a dragon?" Gandork inquired.  
  
"Yeah, I'm a dragon." Bubbles confirmed sarcastically.  
  
"Ohhhhh, that's Habit hide." Gandork said.  
  
"No genius, this is my armor." Bubbles said. "But hurry, for I am needed." So Bubbles called the nearest Vulture, who readily picked him up.  
  
"Bring me to the nearest group of enemies." Bubbles said.  
  
"Sure. That would be three gold pieces." So Bubbles took gold out of his pocket and paid the taxi Vulture. Anyways, the Battle of A Whole Ton of Armies was soon finished. Then Bubbles collected all of the arrows (about three hundred) when he noticed something. There were only twelve Dworcs! And they were all skinny.  
  
"Where's Blubber?" Bubbles asked, worried. All of the Dworcs immediately got a sad look onto their faces.  
  
"You didn't see?" Thorninyuras asked.  
  
"No, remember, I got knocked out?" Bubbles said.  
  
"Well, um, he got hit by an arrow, and, well, you know Blubber, he is fat, and, well, he blew up. Didn't you wonder what could knock down a Bagrock?" Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Well, may all of his pieces rest in peace." Bubbles said. Pretty soon, after all of the nice things were said about Blubber (not that there were many) they found a nice patch of trees to rest, where they spent the night.  
  
When Bubbles woke up, his head was full of questions. Where would they go next? How would they get back? Why had all of the armies teamed up against the group? Who was responsible for the massacre? Who owned the things? It was soon too much for Bubbles.  
  
"Where will we go next? How will we get back? Why had all of the armies teamed up against us? Who was responsible for this massacre? Who owns the things?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know." Thorninyuras replied. He's real smart, isn't he?  
  
"We will probably go back by the same way as we got here, except a few shortcuts I know. The armies teamed up against us because they were told to, and the last two are none of your freakin' business." Gandork said.  
  
"Why didn't we ask the Vultures to bring us?" Beefy asked.  
  
"They were. busy." Gandork said.  
  
"Well, I say that we start walking now." Bubbles said, and the rest of the group agreed. So Gandork led them to a path that went nearly the same as the path that they got here by, save that there is one less patch of trees. They walked for a long time, and they sang a song! Here it is:  
We have slayed the dragon Claug,  
Though Gandork didn't see through the fog.  
He accidentally burnt the stock,  
And all of us wanted him to mock,  
He got us in a bog.  
  
We are on our way back,  
We do not want to slack,  
We do not delay,  
Although I say,  
We have a heavy sack.  
  
"We really need to learn how to sing." Bubbles said. Anyway, after the poem they just walked, until they finally got off the path.  
  
"Where to we go from here?" Bubbles wondered.  
  
"We will go to the Forest of Driew Sgniht." Gandork said.  
  
"Are there any enemies?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"Of course, what kind of book would this be without the Bad Guys" Gandork answered.  
  
"Oh yes, how could I have forgotten." Bubbles said. "So, who are the Bad Guys?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"How should I know?" Gandork said. After a very boring walk, they got to the forest of Sgniht Driew, where there was a nice patch of trees, where they spent the night. 


	17. The Forrest

Chapter Seventeen: The Forest  
  
When the group got up, they all smelled something wrong. There was something burning! Bubbles turned to see that all of their supplies had been sabotaged, and there was no food or supplies left.  
  
"What happened?" Bubbles asked.  
  
"All of our supplies have been sabotaged, and there is no food or supplies left." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Someone must have been watching us!" Gandork said. "We must go as far as we can into the forest, and hope that the sabotagers will not follow us." So the group started off into the forest. As soon as they went in, Bubbles knew instantly it had been a mistake. Gandork, however, led them on. The brush was dense, and the air smelt like the gas of three hundred year old Dworcs. Bubbles took out Biter and looked around, having the strange feeling that something bad was about to happen. Pretty soon, something bad happened. White stuff was falling from the trees, and Bubbles knew that it was not snow.  
  
"Oh crap." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Yes, that is exactly what it is. Bird Crap. We are being watched. We must leave to the Swamps of the Storks!" Gandork said, starting to run to the Swamps of the Storks. Bubbles, making sure that the white stuff did not get on his armor, ran as fast as he had ever ran before. After a very long run, they finally made it to the swamp. Bubbles was immediately disgusted. The air was nearly as green as the ground, and the air smelled, well, bad. Really bad. Gandork, however, was not discouraged. He shook his staff a few times, and a few air refreshers came and floated above the group.  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this." Beefy said. At that moment, some unidentified snake looking thing pulled up from the swamp and pulled Buffy down.  
  
"What was that?" Bubbles asked. Thorninyuras looked like he was about to say something, but he reconsidered. After a small search, they found Buffy.  
  
"What was that?" Buffy said.  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this." Gandork said. "I knew it! We never should have came here! The storks live here!"  
  
"YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT STORKS LIVE IN THE SWAMP OF THE STORKS!?!?" Bubbles exclaimed and asked.  
  
"What are so bad about Storks?" Thorninyuras asked.  
  
"None of your freakin business." Gandork said. So the group went on, and Gandork kept looking around, obviously worried at the Storks. Suddenly, before you could blink and eye, a few storks came down and picked up each Dworc, including Bubbles and Gandork. Then the entire Group got knocked out from the smell.  
  
When Bubbles woke up, the smell was gone. Bubbles, however, had worse worries. Why had Storks kidnapped them? The rest of the group was still knocked out, and Bubbles looked out. They were on a black tower, where everything else was white and sky blue, except the storks flying around,  
  
"Delivering Babies!" Bubbles said. "That's why they are mad at Gandork, he put them out of business!" After a long and boring wait, the rest of the group woke up. Gandork was sitting, trying to think of an idea on how to get off. Bubbles then got a great idea.  
  
"Gandork, die!" Bubbles said.  
  
"What did you tell me to do?" Gandork said angrily.  
  
"Die, Gandork!" Bubbles said.  
  
"You know what I would do to your if I had my staff?" Gandork said.  
  
"Die, and get the Vultures to save us!" Bubbles said.  
  
"Ohhhh, I understand." Thorninyuras said. "He dies, he comes back, and he gets the Vultures to save us."  
  
"How do I die?" Gandork asked, pacing around the tower.  
  
"Like this." Bubbles said, pushing Gandork off the tower.  
  
"See you later!" Gandork shouted. After about two minutes, Bubbles heard a loud but obvious splat.  
  
"That must have hurt." Bubbles said. After about half a day, Bubbles heard something. The Vultures had come! Bubbles woke up all of the Dworcs and showed them the Vultures.  
  
"The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming! The Vultures are coming!" They shouted. They got in a big fight (Where the Vultures and Dworcs obviously won) and the Vultures picked up the Group.  
  
"We must go to their palace! That is where they must have our supplies." Gandork said. So the Vultures picked up the group and started to fly.  
  
"What's that?" Bubbles asked after a long flight, pointing to a large, white house on a chimney.  
  
"The Stork Palace! Fly!" Gandork said.  
  
"We are." Bubble's Vulture said. After a long flight they made it to the palace.  
  
"We must go in silently." Gandork said.  
  
"You think?" Bubbles said.  
  
"Yeah." Gandork said. The Vultures stayed outside when the group went in "Silently". Bubbles looked around. It seemed as though the storks competed on delivering babies. Gandork's name was written in graffiti all over the wall, but it stuff like "Gandork sucks." And "Kill the Wizard."  
  
"You have come at last." Said a voice.  
  
"Meeshendrun*!" Gandork said. "The boss stork." He added, reading the footnote.  
  
"Yes, and as you can see, you are not very welcome." Meeshendrun said.  
  
"Like we care." Thorninyuras mumbled under his breath.  
  
"Boys." Meeshendrun said, and all of the statues (That I forgot to mention) came to life.  
  
"This is unfair! We don't have weapons." Gandork said.  
  
"We don't have motorcycles!" Meeshendrun said.  
  
"What does that have to do with all of this?" Gandork said.  
  
"Kill him!" Meeshendrun said. All of the Vultures then came in and killed all of the Storks. except Meeshendrun. Gandork, now having his staff, shot him a few times with a silver, 22mm bullet. Meeshendrun got hit, but didn't get hurt.  
  
"Why won't you die?" Gandork said.  
  
"Why won't you die?" Meeshendrun said.  
  
"What?" Gandork said.  
  
"What?" Meeshendrun said.  
  
"Stop that."  
  
"Stop that."  
  
"I'll kill you!"  
  
"I'll kill you!" Bubbles, now tired of this conversation, pulled out Biter (Which he had hidden in his underwear) and slit Meeshendrun's neck.  
  
"Man, he sounded like a broken record." Gandork said.  
  
"That's exactly what he was. A broken record." Bubbles said, pulling out the record. Anyways, they picked out their stuff and the Vultures picked up the group and they started flying.  
  
"Thank you, thank you." Bubbles said to all of the Vultures after they drop him off at Habiting. The rest of the group also thanked them, but not sincerely. All of the Vultures then flew off.  
  
"And thank you, Gandork and the rest of you." Bubbles said. "It is nearly time to say good bye to your goodluck charm." Bubbles said. You can see how Bubbles has changed! At the beginning of this book he not have thanked them even if he did get paid.  
  
"Wait a second! Why did you need a goodluck charm? You had fourteen people already!" Bubbles finally noticed.  
  
"Gandork." Thorninyuras said.  
  
"Man, I always forget to count myself!" Gandork said. After a long and boring talk, the group decided they had to leave.  
  
"We may come and visit sometime!" Thorninyuras said. Bubbles then walked to his house, where he found a surprise.  
  
"This cave has been confiscated by the government for all purposes, including rock climbing." Bubbles read from the notice on the door.  
  
"We'll see about that." Bubbles said, fingering the Flower in his pocket.  
  
* The boss stork 


	18. Epilogue

EpilOguE  
  
The spring sun shone merrily over Habiting. There was a feeling of spring in the air, and there was not a trouble in the world. Bubbles sat sipping champagne and orange juice, wearing his best morning jacket. Above the entrance to his old cave was printed a new sign: "B. Boogers, esquire." The law practice was booming. Every time a Habit with money needed help getting out of some jam, they always went to Bubbles. He had to turn the work away, and the more he charged, the more they lined up. Even now, imported Dworcs worked his security at the gates far out of sight to keep away the pleading Habits from whining and ruining his morning. What was the secret to Bubbles' legal success? It certainly wasn't his education. In fact, his law degree was a forgery. It wasn't his hard work-that was one thing that had definitely not changed! Maybe it was his clothes. he always went to court in the best of three-piece suits, and always with a funny-looking flower in his lapel. Bubbles was reading the morning paper. "Condo glut threatens Habiting skyline," the headline read.  
  
"Stinking riff-raff!" shouted Bubbles, and slammed his paper down on the coffee table. "Messing up my view!" His grandfather's hole had been given a complete makeover, and in fact, now holes were hard to find, and ordinary Habits all wished they could live in the "grand old style." Bubbles heard the phone. One of his richest customers had called!  
  
"Hello, Mr. Nasea." Bubbles said.  
  
"Yes, I am here to discuss something.my bill." Mr. Nasea said. "A down payment of $5,500 and $600 for the next 5 years! It sounds like I am buying a new top-of-the-line sports car!"  
  
"Exactly." Bubbles said, hanging up his phone. As he sat and pondered how incredibly cushy his life had become, a distant memory was stirred in his mind. It sounded like a gasoline engine or a low-flying plane. Suddenly, out of nowhere a motorcycle fell from the sky. "Not again!" said Bubbles.  
  
"Ah, Bubbles, old chum!" Gandork looked like business had favored him, too, since the stork competition had been wiped out. In fact, he had just landed a deal with a major advertising agency putting his picture on disposable diaper packages. Still, the old entrepreneurial gleam was in his eye.  
  
"Don't even say it, pal," said Bubbles. "I don't need another contract."  
  
"But look!" Gandork exclaimed, waving his arm at all the expensive furniture. "The last deal sure worked out! Think of how much better things could get!"  
  
"I've got money enough already, now, no thanks to you," said Bubbles acidly, "and if I learned anything from you last time, it was that being lazy can sure be a lot of work." Gandork never would agree, thought Bubbles. He was just a crazy old coot always running off after some scheme. He realized that all of his earlier admiration was misplaced. Gandork was not like Bubbles; he was entirely different. He spent about 30 seconds thinking about this, and all the mysteries of life, and suddenly decided to find some common ground with Gandork on the one thing that they would always agree.  
  
"How about a drink?" Bubbles asked. 


End file.
